I used to romantasize twin flame energy - thinking that there could only be one other person that matched my exact frequency. He would fill my soul with such love that I would never feel incomplete again. But just like many things spiritual, my mind has been changed (as it quite frequently does nowadays).
What is a twin flame? Essentially every one of your ex-lovers, ex-best friends, ex-roommates, etc. who helped you to bring a massive amount of your triggers, insecurities, weaknesses and ego to the surface. Twin flames break your heart into so many pieces that it has no other choice but to open wider. So while you feel that this damn person brings chaos, imbalance and heart break into your life, they are actually there to help you come into your highest good.
SOUL MATES, on the other hand, are people that bring harmony and balance to your life. Soul mate connections can come in the form of friends, family, lovers, and even pets. They help you to act out of your highest good. You may have small arguments with your soul-mate connections, but nothing that can't be resolved in a short period. Soul mates come in the form of healthy relationships.
When we seek love outside of ourselves, we will always, always, ALWAYS manifest more twin flame energy, which is tumultuous and heavy, and very fucking intense. Yet another person who brings chaos and heart break into our lives, until we come to the simple realization that the love we truly and deeply seek is actually right under our nose. Twin flame connections are signals that we need to learn to love ourselves more, to become our own soulmate, to stop seeking love outside of ourselves and look within.
I've been practicing self love like a m.f. after dealing with yet another twin flame energy that recently rushed into my life like a surprise hurricane.
I want to emphasize on one thing before I continue:
I've gotten a lot of this information, and a change of mind & heart on twin flame energy from a man named Matt Kahn. He is an incredible channel for higher vibes and has really changed my perception (and dare I say my whole life) with the information he has accessed. I would definitely recommend seeking him out on YouTube.
In one video, Kahn says, "No matter what kind of soul contract you have with another individual, as soon as abuse takes place (whether it be physical or mental abuse), that soul contract becomes null and void."
When abuse starts to happen in a twin flame relationship, you are being called to your highest potential to leave that situation, shake up the snow globe of your life, sleep on your friend's couch or whatever you have to do to leave that situation and show yourself the love you deserve. Please do not dishonor yourself by staying in an abusive relationship. Remember that "enlightened" (I don't like that word but I'll use it just to get this point across) individuals can love from afar.
"I love you, but the universe has given me plenty of signs that we are not good for each other. From now on, I'll love you from way over here."
Something I really don't like from the New Age point of view is the silly idea that we have to be overly tolerant and compassionate with peoples' behavior. That's called spiritual bypassing. People who are going through a spiritual awakening will sooner or later realize that we actually become less tolerant of others. That's called self-love.
To practice self-love, whenever an emotion (wanted or unwanted) comes up, I hold it like a baby (especially the unwanted feelings like guilt, shame, sadness, anger and grief). My heart has become almost like a separate entity that will call out my name when it needs to cry. I call this heart energy my inner-child. Because that is what it is. No matter where I'm at or what I'm doing, the second my heart cries out, I stop what I'm doing and I ask myself what is going on. I do this in an extremely gentle and patient manner.
Instead of shutting the door on my emotions like I used to because I was programmed to believe that they were "wrong," or "bad," I tell myself that it's ok to feel the way I feel and that there's plenty of space to hold those feelings. So if this doesn't make sense, let me give you this analogy:
Pretend your mind is a pin ball machine and your emotions are the little silver balls. When you don't give yourself the freedom to feel whatever it is you feel, and you shut down, the little silver ball goes crazy and pushes all the buttons and creates chaos in your mind. And what do you do? You try to stop the feeling even more, because it's wrong or bad. You judge yourself and your emotions, and we cannot judge ourselves (or others) and love ourselves at the same time.
When a feeling comes up for me, I literally talk to it and say, for instance: "Hello anger, sadness, etc..you can visit if you need to whenever you want. There's plenty of space here." I've noticed that just holding myself through the feeling does wonders. I can literally feel the expansion of giving myself more space to feel whatever I am feeling. Once my inner child feels heard, the emotion settles.
We don't listen to our inner child. We push them away, we lock them out, we suffocate them.
I've noticed that sitting with myself for at least an hour a day with no distractions has really helped as well. Placing my hands on my heart and saying, "hello dear...I'm sorry I've been trying to give you love from other people who coincidentally have no idea how to love, either. I don't know how to love you properly. I was never taught how to." The first time I did this, my heart cried.
In this regard, telling yourself that you don't know how to love yourself properly is a form of self-love. I encourage you to try it out.
This is how we become our own soul mate - through the realization that self-love is the love we have been desperately seeking on the outside. And when we become our own soul mate, we attract soul mate energy and soul mate connections.
We cannot depend on others for our happiness. Our happiness comes from the personal freedom of learning how to love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and hold ourselves, even when we don't want to. When we learn how to do these things for ourselves, that's when we start helping others. By loving ourselves, we encourage and inspire others to do the same.
Could you imagine what the world would look like if we all took the time out to listen and to love ourselves? It would be a different world, I can guarantee that.