"Expectation is the root of all heartache." -- Shakespeare
The Shackles of Society
It's easy to fall into the trap of letting society.., your family, peers dictate how you lead your life.., and most of the time we are not even aware of it. A job we are not passionate about, maybe one we even hate.., and now, with cellphones you are basically on-call 24/7. Being a slave to a job you don't even like, is probably not something you dreamt about as a child…
It's tragic that so many people buy into the expectations that a society, that doesn't give a shit about you demands…
• You should have a "normal" job (9-5 type)
• Get married at a certain age
• Have 2.5 children
• A house (the bigger the better) (don't forget that big mortgage)
• Go to sleep at a certain time
• Dress a specific way
• Even act a certain way
To be fair, this doesn't happen over night.., it is a slow and methodical process brought to you by the all those "sexy" advertisements of what women should look like (Not to brag but I've woken up next to some of those women and they don't look like that in the morning)… Or the "perfect" family that all love each other unconditionally… Those clothes you can't really afford.., and yes, that shiny sports car, too. And if you don't "measure-up" to societies standards, you are a failure -- so they say...
We are bombarded with these false perceptions, even before we can understand what they actually are… And after a while we just accept them as truth. Talk about brainwashing… We will jump through just about any hoop they put in front of us after awhile, just in the hopes of achieving these completely false perceptions…
Sometimes going down this path laid out by others.., can lead to some very self-destructive behavior… We lie, cheat, steal, ignore other peoples feelings, etc., etc… And we can rationalize it all away, because society says we must achieve certain goals and attain certain things, no matter what the cost… Some women starve themselves or force themselves to puke after a meal.., just in the hopes they can fit societies image of beauty!
It's not a crime to want to be accepted or feel at home.., but when you sell your soul just to be cool, or to fit in -- there is a problem. The problem is, you will never feel at home or truly accepted if you are being someone you are not. If you are not being true to yourself, how are others supposed to accept you, really accept you -- not just be your Facebook friend….
“Don’t change so people will like you; be yourself and the right people
will love you.” --Unknown
will love you.” --Unknown
Here's a little secret -- you will never meet the expectations society expects from.., because they just keep raising the bar… Just when you think you have achieved the unachievable, they change the rules -- now you need more Facebook friends if you want to feel accepted, more Youtube views, a bigger house, nicer car, or you're a loser. You just can't win when play by someone else's rules…
Oh yeah… Not everybody you ever meet is going to like you, either…
And guess what.., that's okay… Trying to please everyone else, live up to there expectations is a losers game. But unlike the games we play as children, this is your life you are dealing with… I can see it written all over peoples faces if I happen to take the subway during morning rush hour -- the misery might as well be stamped on their forehead. They are trying so hard to do what is "expected" of them, they can't even see straight anymore…
"Im not in this world to live up to your expectations and your not in this world to live up to mine." -- Bruce Lee
Living Life On Your Own Terms
But what's the option… Living life on your own terms, thumbing your nose at all those ridiculous expectations society has fed us from our earliest childhood memories. Living a life of loneliness… Let me tell you something, there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely.., what's worse is feeling lonely when you are in a room full of people that call themselves your friends -- that is a real smack in the face… When you look around surrounded by all these people.., and this overwhelming sense of loneliness comes over you -- well lets just say it's not a pleasant experience.
Realizing you have given your life to a bunch of "strangers," practically.., and all you have to show for it is a house and car you can't afford, clothes that don't really express who are and don't even fit properly… That pain you start to feel in your gut, is not the beginning of a ulcer, it is your heart breaking… The realization that you have given up things you once dreamt of doing -- becoming.., just to be accepted, to fit in.., is just that -- heartbreaking!
But one of the great things about life (and there are many).., is that as long as you are able to draw breath, you have the opportunity to change the things you want too… If you've got the "balls" (you too ladies) to do a little soul-searching, to look in the mirror, even with that stupid overpriced haircut -- you have a chance at living life on your terms.., and nobody else's.
"I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself." -- Rita Mae Brown
Sometimes being selfish can be a good thing, especially when it comes to your own well-being, your goals.., your dreams… Now Im not saying to be a selfish prick just to get what you want.., or in an effort just to be different, that can lead to just as much frustration and regret. But remembering who you are, who you wanted to be when you grew up… Embodying the values that society has turned it's back on -- honor, integrity, truth…
We all know it's not right to lie and cheat.., yet adultery thrives in most of todays societies, while monogamy seems like a thing of the past. Besides the damage that is done to your significant other.., the damage to your own character is even worse… If you don't want to be monogamous, then don't get married or tied to a serious relationship. Be honest with yourself.., and fuck that society says you should be married -- you wanna be a player, then be a player… But own it, don't lie about it, especially to yourself!
Making Your Own Rules
There are no rules, except the ones you make for yourself… Obviously, there is a moral "sort-of" code we need to follow, after all we live in a society.., and thinking of others and their feelings will only give you greater depth of character. Breaking free of the shackles society has imprisoned you with can be tough… Bending the rules and living by your own code can be scary. But this life does not owe you anything.., it is not obligated to give you what you expect. And you, are not obligated to do what others expect, either.
Like a great piece of art, or a beautiful song… They intrigue and inspire, all at the same time. They can surprise you and comfort you, while questioning the unknown… Fill you with a sense of peace and well being you never knew existed until that moment. Be the artist of your own life, create the masterpiece you always imagined you could… So many times all we have to do is get out of our own way.., and all the notes fall right into place -- effortlessly.
Taking the "road less traveled" doesn't make you a bad person.., it just makes you human -- really and truly human. And even if you stumble.., heck -- even if you fall flat on your face (and you will), you learn to pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. Things rarely go as planned.., but that's where the special moments are made… How you react to your "fuck-ups" and what you choose to learn from them are up to you and nobody else -- definitely not society.
A wise woman once said, "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.
You and only you are the person responsible for defining your own life… Instead of listening to the choir of people telling you what you should be, rely on your intuition to lead you on your path, it knows you better than anyone. And once you get in-touch with it, trust it -- it will lead you to your truth. Your truth, not someone else's… Allow yourself to live your own truth. In the end, if you truly want to feel accepted, if you want to change the world.., you must be true to yourself, first.
And guess what...
When you start living life on your terms.., the people that are drawn to you and vice versa, those are the people that actually give a shit about you.., and not the kind of car you drive. Haters are gonna hate, you can't control the way others behave… But it will roll right off your back with a wink and a smile, when they try and stand in your way… When they meet you with all their negativity, you confront them with insight and knowledge.., being cordial and gracious while doing so… Their opinions no longer hold any weight in the world you have created for yourself. A world where no matter how many times you fail, you understand and embrace the fact that anything is possible, once you break free...
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