To love is to be vulnerable… C.S. Lewis
Vulnerable: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm
Synonyms: helpless, defenseless, powerless, weak
It sounds horrible!
Being Vulnerable
But this definition of vulnerability is very.., small minded. It lacks insight. And to be honest, is in itself -- weak. Confusing being vulnerable for weakness, is a sure way to a loveless life. And a lonely one, at that… Building walls up around yourself to prevent anyone or anything from entering your "safe zone" is easy. It's bringing those walls down.., and letting people in, that's the hard part. And it requires strength -- not weakness.
What scares people about vulnerability is the uncertainty of it… But guess what, life is uncertain. No matter how well you plan things out, there are no guarantees. You can make lists, graphs, scales, models if you want.., but no matter how well you plan, when you reach a certain age, you realize -- shit happens!
Life doesn't care about the walls you put up.., it could care even less about your plans… Things / people will get in.., and if you are not prepared to deal with it -- you have a problem. We learn from a a very young age to, not be vulnerable.., to be afraid -- scared of certain things. As a child, you learn this behavior from the adults in your life, even if they don't voice it -- children watch… And when they see the adults in their life afraid of letting things in.., afraid to be vulnerable -- they learn the same behavior.
And yes, there are things to fear in this world, very real things.., especially for a child. But putting up walls, avoiding these things, is not the way to live. It's how we deal with the fear… Being courageous in the face of fear… You cannot protect yourself from everyone and everything on the planet. But you can learn, and teach your children to face those fears, conquer the demons that haunt them.
It doesn't take strength to hide from the world --
it takes strength to live in it!
it takes strength to live in it!
By being vulnerable.., you become fearless. Instead of walking around this planet with the facade of, being strong, not letting anything bother you or get to… You wear your vulnerability like a badge -- knowing things will "get to you" but you are prepared to deal it. You are prepared to come out the other side of being hurt.., and stronger for it.
Mistaking vulnerability for weakness.., could possibly be your greatest failure in life… Just think about it -- You could lose out on the love of your life because you didn't want -- were too afraid to get hurt. You could keep that novel you wrote all to yourself because you were scared to show it to anyone, fearing their response.
And no matter how hard you try… How tough you think you are -- You Are Vulnerable. You are vulnerable to all kinds of things… Sorry, to break the news to you… And the sooner you accept it.., and comes to terms with it, you would be amazed at how the quality of your life changes -- for the better. It's no fun being hurt, having your heart stomped on, being rejected… And the more it happens, the more times we experience hurt from being vulnerable, we learn to put up defenses -- whether you are aware of it or not. The mind kicks in and creates scenarios for you to avoid being hurt again. To avoid putting yourself out there…
Creating impossible standards that nobody could meet...
Maybe you become a workaholic.., so now you can say to yourself -- I don't have time for a relationship right now… And your mind is a lot smarter than you think… It might try to convince you that -- you are waiting for the "perfect person" in order for you to keep avoiding opening yourself up to any situation where you might get hurt. When all you are doing is avoiding life.
Once you accept that human beings are vulnerable by nature, you start to learn how to deal with the relationships in your life maturely. People are not perfect (no shit, right) and they will hurt you, even if it was not their intention. But instead of freaking out, blowing up.., or just walking away -- you learn to discuss and talk about it…
If you can learn to be vulnerable.., the world is your oyster. You gain a confidence, that was previously unknown to you… You start to do things that surprise even yourself. You ask for that raise at work. You go for a job you had previously thought out of your reach. You publish that book, that has been collecting dust.
Just by embracing your vulnerability the whole quality of your life changes… Instead of being alone on Friday night -- now you're out with friends or on a date with your future wife. Just by being fearless, by knowing.., yes, there is a chance you might get hurt, but you are prepared and willing to deal with it. Because the flip-side of the coin is far worse…
Being weak is the key to true strength…
Going through life living in a cage with the walls you've built.., the only thing to keep you warm at night. Mistaking vulnerability for anything less than total strength, for buying into the notion, you are weak if you show your emotions -- is the fastest way to a life filled with emptiness. And on the other hand… The rewards you can reap, just by showing, not just the one you love, but the world, your true self -- are limitless.
Nobody says it's easy… But the fact you might think it is hard, is because somewhere down the line, that's what you learned… Whether it was from a dysfunctional family life, parents that didn't express their feelings, didn't voice what they need… Or from your own personal experiences with people -- romantic or otherwise.
Look, nobody has all the answers… There not in any book, you can't find them online… You can only get there through experience.., and consciously choosing to take your power back -- and that might mean getting your heart broke a few times. But we have all heard the saying -- "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." Now, that was definitely written by someone that understood the power of vulnerability… And, that is what should be it the dictionary.., and not that ridiculous definition that's there now. Because all that definition will do for you, is keep you afraid and walled off from the world..,to afraid to ever take a chance, on love -- or anything for that matter.
And guess what.., the bigger you dare, the further out there you put yourself -- the greater the rewards. Once you become comfortable with your own vulnerability, by showing up and letting people see who you really are.., that's when things really start happening. Instead of being seen as weakness, it is now your greatest strength… By owning it.., and being willing to ask for help or make a mistake, your whole being radiates a certain confidence. And not only can people see it in you, they can feel it -- sense it. And not only will they reward you for it, so will the universe!