I was reading how to change my life, some tips i collected to make me remind every day .

1. Do something that scares you at least once a week
2. Sleep on a regular schedule
3. Save your money
4. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol
5. Rent, don’t own
6. Stop spending time on social media
7. Start a side business
8. Keep your home and workspace clean and organized
9. Build your network
10. Fast once a week
11. Practice poverty
12. Lose some fat, or gain some muscle
13. Prepare for the worst
14. Make a short to-do list for every day
15. Cut things out of your life
16. Say no to almost everything
17. Change your wardrobe
18. Make new friends
19. Go on a trip by yourself
20. Think of everything as a choice

And my plan to make habit to read hoping that it will teach me alot

Books I need to read
1) Personal development
2) emotional story
- nobel
3) danial carriage
4) investor warren buffet
5) blockchain
6) lovestory

if we gained reward after doing something, either tangible items or feelings thats good to us, make us feel good, then we love it, and we want to do again so its create a door of a new habit.

My case, i love the most feeling of being high on weed, code, self judgement and postivie thoughts just gathering inside my mind, so this gives me reward, crazy, no meaningfull. I am a good guy, a unique on whole world, but my brain goes crazy and pulling me more inside black whole, making no point in my life, my true fucking life. this hit my subconsious mind and make me feel bad emotions all the time and gave me symptoms of diseases like metal problem.

Fixing,

continue the medication
getting more healt care
reading alots of books
trying to fix the basic habits like, sleeping
forcing to much my self to say the word "NO"
Never say yes to others decesion of thing where time waste will happen
be sad and be self,
distract more and force more to continue the basic habits

phase 2
after the meds work,
finding the institute
or probably go to college
learning to ride
making new friends,
making more meaning full,
till this time my subconsious mind
will be mature and confidence level will be stronger

phase 3
will be feeling good,
starting yoga,
starting dance class,
starting meditation,

this is long phase
slowing down the medication on this phase

lets see, from inside i am a very kind person, but from outer, my behavious of being sad and silent guy.

Sometimes motivation only works when we listen, but after that same feeling of sadness, worthless life