😔 But that's honestly what I was last year. With all honesty that's not a brag coming from me...
In this day and age I think we're faced constantly with the sayings that "it's good to be busy with work" and that we "need to hustle". I'm not saying that it's bad to be busy or to hustle at times. Both words can be associated with ambition, hard work, and passion, which can of course attribute to beautiful things. But I personally don't want to fit into that culture, or be known as always busy. I don't want to purposely make myself busy.
Last year was an all around busy year. John & I wedding planned, got married, apartment searched (forever) & finally moved in together, ended up having to share a car, I was working weddings all around, editing all around the clock, we traveled a lot for work, I gained more responsibilities at church, got another part time job during a super busy time, gained more responsibilities and was constantly working on balancing things out.
None of these things were bad. I fully recognize that they were all blessings and I grew a lot, but it did come with a lot of figuring things out, and what I hated most is that my response to how life has been was constantly "It's been busy." I felt like I was always working. They were for great things I was indeed passionate about, but it sucked knowing that what people constantly said about me was that I was always busy. They were understanding about it, but I hated hearing "It's good to be busy" afterwards, because I personally hated it.
What I hated most about it was that it meant I wasn't able to invest in the people I loved most. Being flaky was something I never in a million years ever wanted to be, but I found myself last minute unable to go to events I RSVP'd for, and unable to squeeze in time some of my favorite people, and if I did it was maybe a month in advanced. Generally, I was known to be someone who was good at checking in on people and being intentional with them--last year, not as much. My friends were mostly understanding of it, but it was hard not being able to be the kind of person I essentially I wanted to be. I don't want to be a person that's too busy for people.
This past year, I also found myself not sleeping well, and much more stressed out. I definitely broke down a couple times because I felt so overwhelmed with work. I felt often like I was grasping at straws. I'm incredibly grateful that John was there to help comfort me and encourage me through it, reminding me to find rest and reminding me of what was important in life.
I'm not trying to complain or get pity about this, and I'm not trying to be hard on myself, I know I'm human. I know that this is just a the season of life that I'm in. & I absolutely get that with adulthood comes more and more responsibilities, but I realized that busyness often comes the sacrifice of something else. And to me, being busy with work is not worth sacrificing my relationship with God, or with the people around me.
I don't want to be known as the girl who is constantly busy if that means I'm a girl who doesn't have time to chat on the phone with her family.
I don't want to be known as the girl who is constantly busy if that means I'm a girl who doesn't have time for 1 hour coffee date with a friend.
I don't want to be known as the girl who is constantly busy if that means I'm a girl who isn't able to pour out into new people.
I don't want to be known as the girl who is constantly busy if that means I'm a girl who isn't able to spend quality time with her husband.
I don't want to be known as the girl who is constantly busy if that means I'm a girl who doesn't have time to find real rest with God.
That last one is was overall most important to me. I want to be someone who remembers to find real rest in my time with God. I don't want my identity to be found as a girl who was busy doing many things. I want to make time to remember my real identity in Jesus, to draw my strength from His word, to find my purpose in Him.
I want to be known as a girl who put Jesus & loving others above all things.
So here's a (11-day-late) goodbye to 2017 & the "Always Busy With Work Margarette" and cheers to a Margarette who's doing her best to keep her Sabbath with Jesus & to make time to love on others. 🙋🏻
"The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." Mark 2:27
I know (hope) I'm not the only one fighting against constantly being busy.
Anyone else out there?