I have been thinking about jealousy a lot these past few weeks. I have so many questions surrounding the science behind it, although I am having a tough time finding answers.
I remember when I was a young kid. I was highly competitive. From the classroom, to the soccer field, I wanted that #1 spot. I wanted to finish my multiplication table the fastest, and score the most goals. I put in the effort, but didn't always get the top spot.
I am beginning to put competitiveness and jealousy in the same category. Are humans competitive because they are jealous, or are they jealous because they are driven to compete? The more I think about it, the more I see the two characteristics go hand in hand. This two characteristics could be infecting the world in a highly negative way.
I have experienced times of jealousy and unhealthy amount of competition in my life. When I reflect back on my life, I see a turning point. That turning point was exiting high school. The “class rankings” went away, the chapter of sports ended for me, the girls I had “beef” with and I went our separate ways in life.
The next chapter of college came around. I was bummed to be going to the local college instead of my dream school. I had a tough time accepting the fact that I alone could not get a student loan without my parents co-signing, and they basically laughed in my face at the thought of that. At the time I was trying to keep up with my friends who had highly successful parents who were happy to pay their way. At the time I was devastated, but looking back now, my parents being middle class individuals and not willing to risk their assets to put me though a private college was one of the best things that happened in my life.
Sure, I experienced some “competitiveness” during my 2 years of college, but it quickly became truth to me that going to college for business may be one of the biggest schemes of all time. In that moment, I was competing for nothing. I would gladly sit back, watch my peers chase a paper, and chase every other standard of success society has shoved down our throats.
Two years in at CSU Stanislaus, I proudly said “deuces” and smiled at everyone telling me I was making the “biggest mistake of my life.”
It was time to start a business of my own. I’ll never forget the first time I was referred to as an “Entrepreneur,” and how confused I was. I thought to myself, “But I am just selling mini donuts.” It was a ultimately one entrepreneur spotting another in the early stages- thanks Allen!
It was around this time I began practicing gratitude. Being grateful for the things I had, the things I didn't yet have, the people in my life, the opportunity, and most importantly- even expressing gratitude for the challenges. I was able to shift my mindset and attitude towards even the most treacherous times as an entrepreneur and find the lesson- the silver lining. I began to focus on the lesson, and not the struggle. If I learned something at the end of the day, it was certainly worth it.
I experienced intense competitiveness when I entered the concession business world. Just a young girl trying to sell some ice cream at a local festival, while having to deal with grown adults throwing tantrums that their shaved ice sales were going to be affected because of our competing products. I would laugh, and express that I didn't give a damn being next to them because I believed my product would outsell theirs. I would invite the similar products! I believe we should let the customer decide.
The concession business has come and gone for me, but the last year has been a lot of questioning on the subject of jealousy. From relationships, to status, to cars, houses, marriage status, having children, education, outer appearance and the list continues. I don’t personally feel jealous, but why do I feel the jealous energy of others creeping in to my space?
Without even realizing it, the jealousy bone in my body quickly deteriorated. I firmly believe this has stemmed from my continuous practice of gratitude. Gratitude for even the most minuscule things in my life. There’s been days I have written down I am grateful for having a washer and dryer. Us first world citizens can go on with a never ending list.
By societies standards, I am a failure.
I am an “uneducated female” who dropped out of college
I do not own a luxury car
I do not own a house
I am single
I do not have children
I am not even close to resembling some instagram model
I can honestly say I get more excited for other’s success more than my own. I love to see other people happy, healthy, thriving, and creating a life they love. I love to see people living their best life, full of experiences, quality time with the people they love, and always choosing happiness as their top priority. I love to see people growing personally, realizing how capable they really are, and even surprisings themselves. I love to see people make difficult decisions (that are looked down upon by society) because it will make them a happier individual at the end of it.
This all happened accidentally, but I have never been so happy to have gotten lost in the art of gratitude while losing jealously along the way.
Daily Challenge:
Write down 5 things you’re grateful to have.
Write down 5 things you’re grateful for, that you do not yet have.