Talked to an old friend last night. She is like a sister with another mother. We talked for a long time. Skype is wonderful.
Jealousy is a big word, and it is an emotion that brings destruction if it's let loose. This jealousy-for lack of another word-has followed me through the years from the family I grew up with, and with what is happening now, it's like it's being tried to be passed on to our sons. What family does this?
When you are a born an optimist, and with life experiences been molded to be strong, and at the same time have loads of empathy for others, it is very easy to be used/taken for granted and it's not acceptable if you say no or push back. If you do, it's considered rude from your abusers. They can not handle that. This is where it stands today. Put together with jealousy, and a deep desire to stay in the negative, feel some form of control, can this be a reason for these actions? I do not know.
I personally can not stay with the negative. It makes me physically sick. This is a huge reason my mom passed away in cancer. Again, this was a topic we talked about at length. It was one of the main reasons she looked in to Reiki. I am a Reiki Master, and she could see the support it gave me.
This has brought on the Hellish scenario our sons are experiencing today. Our boys are 25 and 23. They have a room each in their grandfathers house. It's a two story house, and the rooms are down stairs, with access to a full bathroom. Kitchen is up stairs where grandfather lives. The reason/s they are there is;
- they are learning our mother tongue and getting a high school diploma in it. This they need to continue to University. University in our country is free. They have grown up out in the World, living both in Asia and America so English, naturally, became their first language.
- They have a great program for this in the town where my father lives, and he had the room to house them.
He gets help from our sons to keep the house warm in winter, the furnace cleaned of sot etc, and he has company in the house. It also has given him a chance to stay in his house. It sounded like a good deal for both when it was arranged.
As I wrote before, they have ADHD/ADD and that makes you do things differently. This is not an excuse, gosh no! It just means you have to work extra hard to be able to fit in to society. It also means when you come home, you drop your guard and relax. This is vital to be able to do the next day. This also means you are not the tidiest person on the block. Things will be on the floor, things will be put on a table surface and most likely never put away. For others, this looks like a health hazard if you so chose to see it. Then it all gets cleaned up in such a way you could eat off the floors, and the cycle starts over.
The family I grew up with have chosen to only see the mess, the negativity it can bring, and only see how different they are our sons. Not wanting to understand or even ask the question why?! Even less to lend a hand.
Instead they barge in, uninvited, take pictures, making our sons feel abused and disrespected. Creating the feeling of no privacy in 'their' home. No word of warning someone is 'visiting' so our boys has a chance to clean up. This feeling of no privacy is a fact. I questioned how they went in, and did what they did, and was told there was no privacy to be had for our boys. Anyone could come and go as they pleased. No, the family I grew up with want these juicy pictures to create problems, only so they can feel good themselves and keep on abusing me, through our boys. How do I know this?, I got a phone call in regards to these pictures. They tried to send them to me, and with that was a demand - not request - to call back and say what I thought of it. Stirring trouble. Sent a text, stating the problem in question is fixed, and photos outdated.
This escalation of events was triggered by my response to an event in January. Only way I can explain this.
With pictures to make fools of our sons.
My father is old, and I do not want to cancel him out of my life because of another person/s behind the back dealings. I also do not want this to hurt or damage our boys. Luckily they are very strong in themselves and extremely diplomatic when it comes to dealing with people. For their young age I am in awe of how good they are.
What we have done to try and help our sons from this far away is, we have drafted some rules that will start in March until the end of August, to give our sons a chance to get results back from Uni, or find a new place to live. We hope this' lease' will be signed, but there is no guarantee. With this, a few of the problems are being addressed. Hopefully things will calm down a little and help our sons.
We are encouraging them to talk to the local Government and see what they can help with. There are rules in place for young adults to get certain help.
I have secured a summer job in my home town, so I can go and be with our sons for close to three months during the summer. Our sons were very happy hearing this, so I know they feel they need support close by.
If the intention of these latest shenanigans has been to create a rift in my family, the outcome is the opposite. We have grown stronger and closer as the family of 4 we have always been.
Is there anyone out there that can, based on this limited insight, give an idea on how to move forward?
Or...Just try an explanation of human behavior that is different to say the least.
My head is playing with narcissistic behavior, gas-lightning, bullying...
For our sons, it is uncomfortable in hell.
Hope I haven't made anyone uncomfortable with this. Sometimes it just needs to be aired to be able to move forward.
Grateful for any input, ideas..I am fresh out.