In this short video I explain the two things people do, to worry. Because worrying is not something that overcomes people, it is something people actually do, it is an activity.
So you can watch the video here, and then read on for my broader thoughts on the subject:
So what to do instead?
First of all it is important to realise how much time per day you spend on negative thoughts, or worrying about stuff. Then, notice that, as stupid as this may sound, 'worrying about something' has NO IMPACT on the results at all. Hopefully, when you realise this you agree that it may be better not to worry at all.
How can I prepare for bad stuff without worrying?
So some people may say: if I don't worry about stuff, I cannot prepare for them to happen.
Well, first of all, you can plan or prepare for stuff in a much better way then by worrying. You can simply list the potential dangers and instead of asking: 'when will this happen?' or 'What am I gonna do when this happens?' ask yourself: How can I prevent this from happening. This will force your brain to come up with positive solutions to the potential problem.
'Where focus goes, energy flows'
I'm pretty sure you know this quote by Tony Robbins, he has been saying it since the 80's yet it is still very true.
You see, our brain is designed as a problem solver, and therefore whatever question you fire at it, will give you an answer. Now notice the 3 questions below, and think to yourself what may my brain serve as an answer to that, and would I like that dish?
Then, read the next 3 questions. And notice the difference!
Disempowering Questions:
- What if my husband doesn't love me anymore?
- Why do I feel bad all the time?
- Do people even care about me?
Empowering Questions:
- What can I do to make my husband love me even more?
- What can I do that makes me feel good?
- How can I make people see the value that I have to offer, and have them care about me?
The disempowering questions force your brain to answer a negative, whereas the empowering questions force your brain to answer positive actionable answers.
In conclusion:
In order to stop worrying all the time you need to stop asking disempowering questions and start asking empowering questions. I know this seems all to simple, yet, it's all a matter of habit. Instead of telling yourself: 'damn why did this happen to me' ask: 'hey what can I learn from this'.
If you actively do this for 21-28 days your brain will start to notice that you would rather ask these type of questions, and will unconsciously bring up more empowering questions as form of habit. Something weird will happen, the skies will look brighter, and lighter. For real, it will seem as if the clouds in front of your eyes have been drawn away, and you will feel lighter. Why? Because you stop beating down on yourself and talking yourself down. Give this a try, and I promise you, as long as you ask empowering questions, your brain will answer them with much more quality!
Here is a transcript of the video:
So recently I've noticed that people who worry a lot actually think that it is happening to them. Whereas worrying is actually an activity. No some of you may have been getting really good at it, granted. Yet worrying is an activity, it's something you have to put effort in. And it takes two things to worry properly. So first of all you need to find time to worry. So instead of focussing on real stuff that's going on in your life you need to actually stop doing that and start to focus on stuff that makes you feel bad or stuff that could wrong. So you really need to set aside time for that. The second thing you need to do to worry properly, is to start asking really bad questions like; why do I feel so bad? Why have I not achieved my goals in life? When is my husband gonna cheat on me? What could possible go wrong today? And in my opinion it's just not worth the trouble, so stop doing it!