You don't know yourself as well as you think.
1. Our self-perception is distorted
It seems as if our inner world is like an open book. One has only to look there, as you learn all about yourself: sympathy and antipathy, hope and fear — here they are, as if in the palm of your hand. Popular, but in fundamentally the wrong opinion. In fact, our attempts to more or less accurately assess ourselves like wandering in the fog.
Psychologist Emily Pronin, who specializes in human self-perception and decision-making, calls the Introspection Illusion and Problems of Free Will, Actor-Observer Differences, and Bias this phenomenon the illusion of self-analysis. Our idea of ourselves is distorted, as a result it does not always coincide with actions.
For example, you can consider yourself compassionate and generous, but pass by a homeless person in cold weather.
Pronin believes that the reason for this distortion is simple: we do not want to be stingy, arrogant and hypocritical, so we believe that it is not about us. At the same time, we evaluate ourselves and others differently. It is not difficult for us to notice how biased and unfair our colleague treats another person, but we will never think that we could behave like this. We want to be good morally, so we don't think we can be biased.
2. The motives of our actions are often inexplicable
Exploring the self-perception of a person, you need to pay attention not only to his meaningful answers to questions about yourself, but also on the unconscious tendencies — impulses that arise intuitively. To measure such inclinations used testdoes the Implement Association Test (IAT) Really Measure Racial Prejudice? Probably Not on the hidden Association of psychologist Anthony Greenwald (Anthony Greenwald).
The test is based on instant reactions that do not require reflection, so it can reveal the hidden sides of the person. A person needs to make associations between words and concepts as quickly as possible by pressing the buttons. So you can find out, for example, who considers himself a man: an introvert or an extrovert.
The test for hidden associations well defines nervousness, sociability, impulsiveness — those qualities that are difficult to control. But it doesn't always work. The test does not measure traits such as conscientiousness and openness to new possibilities. We consciously choose to tell us the truth or to lie, to strive for promotion at work or to sit still.
3. Our behavior tells people more than it seems
Our loved ones see us much better than we do. Psychologist Simin Wazir (Simine Vazire) indicates Others Sometimes Know Us Better Than We Know Ourselves two things that help us quickly get to the core.
First, this behavior. For example, sociable people talk a lot and look for company, and insecure in a conversation avert his eyes. Secondly, we have a lot to say strictly positive or negative features that most affect our actions. Thus, intelligence and creativity are always considered desirable qualities, and dishonesty and selfishness — no.
We can't always control our behavior and reactions, such as facial expressions, running eyes, or gestures. While others it is perfectly noticeable.
As a result, we often do not notice what impression we make on others, so we have to rely on the opinions of family and friends.
In moments of doubt, remember that we still have much to learn, and find joy in it.