When I joined the club of motherhood I encountered some ignorant and snobby moms.
I thought becoming a mom meant I would be accepted by other mothers and would share a bond with them. Instead I really get annoyed with other moms. Since I'm a new, first-time mother, other mothers want to be superior to me and act as if they know more than me. The worst are the ones who always have to feel superior. On three different occasions I had mothers with superiority complexes tell me I didn't give birth the "right" way or "didn't really give birth" because I had a C-section. All three times I was so angry.
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Apparently, me not pushing a big old baby head out my vag means I didn't give birth....The first time someone said this to me, in my mind I was like....SAY WHAT!!!
I had them elaborate...
- Having a C-section isn't natural.
- There are no contractions or labor.
- It isn't the way (according to one mom) that "God intended" a baby to be born.
- It is cheating because you don't have to do any work.
- A C-section is having surgery to remove a baby. It isn't giving birth.
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Anyways...yeah....I wanted to scream at these mom's at how rude they were. I felt judged and shamed for having a C-section. But it wasn't my choice. Being pregnant was literally killing me..
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So here's the story of my daughter's birth:
My entire pregnancy I was sick....like really sick. Being pregnant changes the way a woman's body works. My body hated being pregnant. By the time I was 4 months along I was in serious pain. My hands would swell any time I tried to do something simple like cook dinner. They would get numb so that I couldn't feel anything in my fingertips. My feet and ankles also swelled so that I could barely walk. My husband and I moved across the country and I thought I was going to die I was in so much pain. It was painful to pack boxes and a moving truck. My husband had to do most of it himself.
I had pain in my side and I kept telling my doctor I thought it was my kidneys. My doctor said the symptoms I was feeling were normal pregnancy symptoms. I was told I developed pregnancy related carpel tunnel in my hands. Feet swelling was normal. Having to pee all the time was normal. Back pain was normal.
By my 7th month I wasn't doing great. I stayed in bed most of the time. I got in our pool to help with the swelling but even that was hard. I could barely get to a bathroom. I had to pee so often that my husband had to buy a portable toilet (like you find in nursing homes for old people) to put in our bedroom. But my doctor ignored my suggestions that it was my kidneys. Then one night I got sick. I had a high fever and could barely stand up. I had to be rushed to the emergency room...GUESS WHAT WAS WRONG?....Yep...I had a kidney infection. I was in the hospital four days getting treated and having the baby monitored.
After I got treated for the kidney infection all my pain was gone. I felt amazing. I didn't even feel pregnant. No more swelling in my hands or feet, no more back pain, no more almost peeing myself. This was the first time in 7 months I really enjoyed being pregnant. I am certain I had kidney issues the entire pregnancy but untreated it caused my body to go haywire. I got a few good weeks of pregnancy. Then, 7 weeks before my due date I felt that familiar pain in my side and had to pee more frequently...my kidney infection was coming back.
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Six weeks before my due date my blood pressure was through the roof. I did a 24 hour urine test and my results were horrible. My kidneys were not doing well. My high blood pressure was diagnosed as preeclampsia. Basically that put me at risk of having seizures because of my blood pressure. My doctor made me check into the hospital immediately to have my baby. She was breech. It was too dangerous for me to give birth naturally. I had no choice but to choose the safest option and have a c-section. I'd find out after they cut me open that I have a weird uterus. It is shaped in a strange way so that a baby can't turn over or have space to move around much. My ovaries aren't where they are in normal women which the doctor told me is what probably caused me to have pregnancy related kidney problems and more. I was told if I ever have more kids then I'll have to have C-sections. I will never be allowed to give birth naturally because my body isn't built for it.
Now I will admit I really loved the C-section surgery. The spinal tap was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I was numb and warm and all my pain was gone. It was the first time in seven months I felt no pain. It was the first time I felt relief. I wish I felt the same afterwards.
Because of my kidney problems I was given a drug before and after surgery. Mix that with the spinal tap drugs and pain medication and you get one sick momma...I spent 24 hours throwing up EVERY hour. I was so dehydrated. I would drink some water and then a few minutes later throw it up. It was horrible. I also was in pain from the incision site. It hurt so bad. The pain meds didn't stop the pain. They just made me sleepy.
No one warned me that after I stood up for the first time after surgery I'd bleed like crazy. I got back in bed and whoosh!!! Blood came spilling out from between my legs. Freaked me out. I had to have nurses help me get to the bathroom at first because it hurt so bad. I ended up staying in the hospital 10 days because my baby was only 3 pounds 11 ounces and too little to leave. Seven of those days I slept on a couch in the NICU. Let me tell you that sleeping on a hard couch after having surgery is sucky. And I bled so much...My husband couldn't be with me during the day so I had no one to help me. I struggled to get up and down because it hurt so bad. The couch was uncomfortable and made me stiff and sore. The nursing staff didn't do much for my little one. They basically gave me bottles to pump milk in, a thermometer, and diapers then let me take care of my baby. They'd come in every three hours to see how much she ate and her temperature and stats. Then they left. It was painful on my incision site to stand up/sit down with a baby in my arms. I was so drugged up that I struggled to stay awake but I couldn't sleep because I constantly had to pump milk and care for the baby. I was so exhausted and no one was there to help me.
My Own Photo Of My Baby In Her Incubator
So tell me again how I cheated by having a C-section? Tell me again that I didn't have to go through any pain. In my opinion I went through my fair share of suffering. I might not of had my girl parts ripped and stretched as a baby moved downward but I still went through a rough process to bring a life into this world. I'll always have that long scar from surgery as a reminder. Those moms who insulted me had normal births. Afterwards they got to stay in a room with their normal, healthy babies and get pampered. They got help from their families. And they got to go home very quickly. So again tell me why that makes you superior to me?
It's a silly perspective if you ask me but I guess it's popular to think a C-section isn't giving birth. According to this news article a photographer made newspaper headlines for refusing a customer for the same reason. Click To Read