So it's already half of the month and there have been many new changes in my life.
I celebrated 3 years in the company that I work in. I recently moved to a new position which is the position that I wanted ever since I worked here. Lastly I am moving houses. This is the biggest one because of a couple of reasons.
Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash
First I made the mistake of just staying home during the holidays. Most of my siblings were out of the country and my brother also just moved houses and it is so far. I still dislike traveling anywhere that will take me over an hour. Yet I bought a house that is far from where I currently live as well as my office.
The trigger for that was because of all the firecrackers that was going off even way before the New Year celebrations. People are so inconsiderate as they would light up firecrackers at 11pm or 2am when most folks like me were sleeping. It happened so many times and even going to the authorities was useless as they said they needed to catch them in the act.
2nd trigger are the motorcycles in the area seem to have fully embraced being a damn root crop (Kamote - motorcycle riders are called this as an insult on how dumb they are) and unlocked a new hate because they would often cut their mufflers or modify it so that it is so loud. Imagine sleeping with your windows closed and wake up to the racket of motorcycles seemingly in a race track.
Also during Sunday mornings, the front of the building becomes a motorcycle workshop and you wake up with them revving their engines. Even if you ask them nicely it doesn't work. Even if you report it again to the authorities they don't action on it.
Lastly its because I no longer have any roots to this city. I no longer need to live near her as there is no chance for us. I blame myself for that because I felt too awkward to do anything. I blame myself for not making any actions before. Now that chance has passed and so I no longer have a reason to be here.
This city just reminds me of her. Every street, every restaurant, every park here has a memory of her. I want to be able to move forward as well. I want to not have this ache in my heart. I want to be okay.
For me to do that I need to change. A change to a new city where we do not have any memories. A place far away.
So here I write down my feelings as a means to let it flow out.
I hope that I will be okay someday.