My dear, my heart, fellow survivor!

F1st of all: I am having struggles with all my siblings. Our parents got into our minds. They devided us by so many things they did and today my three siblings would say: We're having a troubled relationship. I don't see it like them. I know, my parents caused those traumas and troubles between us. Please free yourself from guilt. That is the first thing that you should let go of.

Being hurt less than others doesn't mean you're being guilty of having a slightly "better" experience than your sister had.

1. May I ask about these hallucinations? I was having some, too. My mother would always use them to tell people I am not reliable. "Don't believe a thing she says. She's out of her mind. She's hallucinating …" I want to suggest the following: Maybe you aren't.
2. I know about this f*in state of being in two minds. That's the worst for me. Polarity.

I am here. I hear you. I fell you. I love you.