Since the beginning of recorded time, effective communication has been a challenge for men and women particularly when there is a component of intimacy involved. Ladies, we tend to beat a dead dog and men check out and don't hear what we're saying. Once their eyes have glazed over, we've lost them!!
Here are some basic guidelines to consider when communicating with your mate.
- Think before speaking. Count to 10 and collect your thoughts. Remember whatever you say cannot be unsaid. Choose your words wisely.
- Learn to hear not listen to what your partner is saying. Rephrase what has been said to show you understand.
- Be prepared and be competent within the subject you are speaking.
- Be open minded and willing to learn. Be your true self with sincere interest and regard of your mate.
- Whatever the problem is, men want succinct facts with a realistic solution. Period.
- Body language is essential. Keep eye contact and be confident of what you're saying. Keep emotion to a minimum. Men don't function well with tears.
- Keep your tone of voice low and calm.
- Know the difference between aggressive and assertive. Don't start each sentence with “you do” or “you don't”. It puts your mate on the defensive immediately which begins the tug of war on the power card. Neither of you will win once this happens.
- Know yourself!! Remember you are two different people with separate sets of experiences, judgments and perceptions. Find common ground within your disagreements.
- Do not demasculate your mate in front of other people or within the privacy of your home. Both parties should respect one another and always keep in mind you are meant to complement not compete with one another.
One more critical component, ladies if you have a power position at work then keep it at work. You're committing relationship suicide if you're not able to leave the boss hat on the desk at work and pull the wife hat out of the trunk of the car before you go into the house. Nobody wants to be the target of work related frustrations. It's okay to vent and seek your partners' advice and thoughts but remember you are on equal ground at home. Keep your relationship in balance; whatever that means within your household and the confines of your partnership. Keep these 10 guidelines filed in the front of your memory rolodex and you will notice a difference as you and your mate communicate in a more healthy and effective manner. Happy talking!!