I have a rule of thumb I use to determine the enlightened side of many different debates. This rule of thumb is simple. I just ask myself:
Which side is making judgments?
Then I pick the side of whoever isn’t.
For instance…
-I’m not in the business of judging others for the way they choose to navigate their own sexuality.
-I’m not in the business of judging others for their beliefs about the nature and meaning of existence.
-I’m not in the business of judging others based on the clothes they wear. You can’t even necessarily assume people like their own clothes.
You can tell which side of an argument is in the wrong, because instead of practicing acceptance, they argue that their judgments are legitimate.
-“Well, of course anyone with a lot of sexual partners thinks sex isn’t a big deal. If she thought it was a big deal, she wouldn’t just give it away.”
-“Well of course Christians are less educated. If they had more education, they wouldn’t believe in a superstition.”
-“Well of course she wants it. She wouldn’t wear that shirt if she didn’t.”
I’m just one human, and a pretty foolish one at that. It may be true that an opposing side’s judgment is globally accurate, but it’s exceedingly more likely that there’s something I don’t know.
For example, one assumption many people make is that all sex workers hate their job (and all male sex workers love it) — but how likely is that? Every single one, no exceptions? It’s far more likely that there are at least a few people for whom this isn’t true. And if there are people who like the work, then all other things being equal, we should preserve people’s freedom to pursue what they like.
In many cases, this rule of thumb determines my positions on things.
-When it comes to sexual liberation, I side with the feminists and sex-positives, because they practice non-judgment of sex workers and those who love sex.
-When it comes to religious tolerance, I side with the theists (as opposed to atheists), because atheists can be militant where spiritualists are nonjudgemental of the spiritual journeys of others.
-When it comes to dress style, I side with liberal millennial-types, who practice non-judgment when it comes to dress style, hairstyle, and tattoos and piercings.
I hope this rule of thumb can help you determine your own positions on things as well.