Recently I've been feeling a bit off about my current relationship. Things are changing and it's only natural for us to change too.
Halloween, two years ago. I was happy then and happy for a while after that but things seemed to start dying down.
We'd always argued a lot about about stupid things but we made up every time. Everyone dreams of having a perfect relationship but the truth is relationships are hard and keeping one together is even harder. I feel like I've always been the one keeping things together. His friends despised me because of my age (I'm 2 1/2 years younger), his family doesn't like me (long story) and he has a very short temper. Now he's not the devil, he's a great guy but I'm starting to think maybe he's just not the right guy for me.
Valentine's Day - Last year. Can't really tell but I'd been crying my eyes out an hour or so before this photo. It wasn't his fault, wasn't my fault just another one of our disagreements. But every time I look at this picture I just see bad memories not good ones. Valentine's Day is supposed to be a day of love and joy but that day just wasn't. I'm happy to say Valentine's Day this year was a lot better. Our relationship has had good days and bad ones, it's easy to overreact when there's a bad one.
I can't remember when or why this one was taken but it's a nice photo so I'll use it.
I guess I'm feeling like I just don't understand him. I don't understand why he doesn't respond to my texts or calls, or why he spends money on stupid things and yet can't get me something for my birthday, why he makes time for friends but not for me. He gets angry at me for the smallest things and yet I'm expected to say nothing. Whenever I try and open up to him about how I'm feeling or how his anger affects me he just shuts me down. Moans and says 'oh my godddd' or 'stoppp' and that's it, that's the end of the conversation. I'm feeling like I'm being taken for granted and that he knows I'm weak and will be there when he needs me. I've tried countless times to break up with him but simply can't bring myself to do it.
I love him or loved him and can't imagine my life without him in it. It's just so hard for me at the moment and when he won't listen to what I have to say it just doesn't help anything.
I'm scared to be alone, I'm scared to lose him, but I'm scared that I'm not in love with him anymore.
I'm hoping that some of you may be able to give me some advice.
We've planned a holiday in October as well, but the way we're going at the moment I don't see how that's going to happen (Although, it is non-refundable!)
Until next time,
Meliss