There is an unspoken rule in my culture that it is NOT ok to be sad. To feel and express sadness means that you have done something wrong, made some mistake or simply you were put together improperly. This is pretty common across most demographics and is something I am NOT ok with.
Sadness is part of life. When we lose someone or something we care about, we respond by grieving. It’s literally how our body/mind complex works. If we repress or diminish this response it’s the emotional equivalent of clogging an exhaust pipe.
Why?? Just WHY??
Why is this the case? Well I’m from the good ol’ United States of America. In our country, since we are the best, we don’t accept any good for nothin’ sissy cryin’ because he lost his momma. Well, that’s what they tell us in school at least. With our overabundance of macho men and super sexualized females, we have created an existential space that doesn’t leave much room for well… anyone. If you don’t fit into the category of hyper muscular, hypo-emotional and fearless to the point of near lunacy you “can not” be a good American. Fortunately these opinions are extremes, yet I feel that an image similar to this exists in the psyche of many of my peers.
Beginning To See The Truth
When I was younger I struggled with depression. Fortunately I had the opportunity to work with a therapist and have been able to overcome this hurdle; however, it took a lot of work. One memory really sticks out to me. I was sitting, talking with my therapist, expecting a rather bland session when he caught me off guard. He asked me what my definition of masculinity was… it took me a moment but I discovered I had a rather simple answer… Clint Eastwood.
My subconscious was telling me that in order for me to accept myself as a man (I was 22 at the time) I would have to
- Chain smoke cigarettes
- Fuck women without any semblance of an emotion
- Kill at least 3 people per hour of on screen time
- And be approximately 55 years old
I was astonished by this realization, but then after further analysis it started to make a lot of sense. I grew up in a media culture, without a strong influence from my dad (he worked a lot). I was left to form my own ideas about masculinity and life in general. With my freedom I went to what I knew, pop culture and media. I guess that good ol’ Clint stuck out as the most prominent figure (James Dean was a close second) and I harnessed his ethos as my North Star for being a man.
So Many Have Been Left Behind
It brings me sadness to think about this now. Since this discovery I have worked to change my ideas about myself and the world I live in. Now I exist with a much more expansive mental space allowing me to live as the diverse and beautiful individual that I am. Yet, I know that many others out there still are burdened by the constraints that they adopted as children and young adults. It brings me great sorrow to know that they are in pain, and even more knowing that this pain is not necessary.
Let's Make A Change
We have all had these experiences. Most of us have even consciously or subconsciously worked to solidify these themes in the world around us (think about all of the time that we judge and label people). I ask you this: Is this the world you want to live in? Do you want to be afraid of expressing your true self, fearful that you may be judged, persecuted or even attacked? I know that I definitely do not want that.
Blueprint For A New World
If you agree with me, and would like a world where we can all exist peacefully while respecting our own and each others individuality, here’s what you can do.
Take some time and analyze your own beliefs. Ask yourself the tough question. Who am I? What is it that I came here to do? What am I stopping myself from doing out of fear?
You may find this challenging. Most likely it will take considerable time and effort to dive to the necessary depths, yet I guarantee that every moment you spend in self discovery will pay immense dividends.
Helping Others Break Free
As you continue to discover yourself, you can also be proactive in empowering others to express themselves. If you see someone that is truly free, or striving to be, give them love and support. Whether it’s a musician busking on a street corner, a young child singly freely or an old man simply smiling out of his gratitude for life, when we begin to support behavior like this, it will become easier for ALL of us to express ourselves freely. It’s kind of like that commercial where one person begins a never ending chain of kindness through a singular act. You can be that one person. You can change the world.
We are all here on this rock together folks. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get a long AND have the ability to live the lives that we REALLY dream about?? I know what I want out of life and I’m not going to quit until we’ve gotten there. I hope that you join us.
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