Classic street sign
There is far more to this saying than meets the eye. Yes we have all probably heard the saying before and palmed it off and I can see people rolling their eyes already.
Eye & Head Roll
Life is still a big question mark as far as answering what is its meaning, its purpose, the true goal. To be blunt, it seems that throughout life it keeps changing along the way. We are given short term goals to occupy ourselves and to distract us from that big question that can cause such panic and stress when pondered for too long…. “Why am I here?!?!?”. Yes I can hear the anxiety building, so before we continue relax, be calm, its fine we will explore this gently, but watch this video to gain a calmer perspective.
In the Beginning there Was Nothing…
Well maybe not “nothing”, but when mankind was still in its primal stages life was very different, the only goal in life was to survive. Life was about how to make it to another day and it was a little something like this: Don’t get eaten by wild things, make sure you can eat and reproduce.
Graphical Representation of Above Statement
Now I won’t drag you through a history lesson of human evolution, the Roman empire, government, politics, etc. This is merely to highlight that things have changed considerably throughout human existence and will continue changing as we evolve further as a species. Yes that’s right folks, as far as we can tell there is no right/final answer and probably won’t be one, but “why worry”. It is something to keep in mind as we explore further down this rabbit hole.
The Human Condition
From birth we are categorised and conditioned to be particular things which are projected onto us by societal norms. This is accomplished through exposure to family and friends who are also conditioned to interact in a particular way with these traits and behaviours. One of the first forms of this conditioning could be suggested to be gender. Based on our sex, culture, societal norms, etc. our gender identification is, for the most part, forced upon us. This is merely the beginning of the conditioning we receive throughout our life.
Blue Is for Boys & Pink Is For Girls
Conditioning Growing Up
As our life continues we look to others for guidance, we learn to walk, talk, and exist in the particular social climate we are surrounded by. This is the means by which we judge a “normal” existence, again conditioned by others. In our first years of schooling we are taught to listen to our teachers, do as we are told, bells designate what is happening, you are not in control. In higher learning and education our minds are shaped by the teachers and lecturers following the curriculum or agenda they are given. A fundamental issue is that education spends much of its time trying to teach you “what” to think as opposed to “how” to think.
Trained to think inside the box = Square hat on graduation day
We are tested and ranked via methods which are out dated and inaccurate. the perceived importance of these tests can cause depression and anxiety of those taking them. keeping in mind that many of the tests taken are by children in schools. again we are conditioning, however this time it is children and to the point of illness.
Old Drawing Still Represents Modern Education
Media consistently bombards minds with what is in and out, who or what to like and dislike, what you should be, what will make you happy.
Interesting Choice of Words
Im sure you can see the trend emerging here, we have been conditioned to exist in a particular way within certain boundaries. Yes, you have some choices to make within these boundaries. However this could be viewed as the merely the illusion of choice.
The Illusion of Free Choice
The Cost of Conforming
What we have here is a self-perpetuating system which polices itself. We keep each other in check to comply with these societal norms, but is this really what we want? That is the real question here.
Here is an example of one of these kinds of standards we are fed through societal norms: grow up, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids, matching cars, picket fences, vanilla skies and keep up with the Joneses. We have all heard some life plans like this, pre-packaged, handed down to us by some higher power and since we have been conditioned to just accept orders from superiors our entire lives, we just choose one and go for it. However, there is no “one size fits all” plan for life and how it is lived, as such this is where the problems begin to arise.
We all have wants needs and desires, many of which are suppressed by the adherence to the social norms and sticking to these pre made life plans which are handed down to us. This can lead to increased stress, depression, anxiety, etc. which at extremes can result in somatisation, which is where psychological stresses manifest in physical conditions without other causes such as a rash, eczema, etc.
somatoform disorders = Physical symptoms explained only by mental factors
Keeping in mind what we have covered so far, Is it really any wonder that we find it hard to believe that we can pursue anything beyond what we have been told to in life? Is it a stretch to say that we have been conditioned through Learned Helplessness to stay in a state of unhappiness or pain purely because we believe there is no other way? From the data observed thus far it would be considerable to form this hypothesis.
The anxiety levels may be increasing, but rest assured there is means of removing the shackles society has placed on us through conditioning. This starts with us really thinking about who we are as individuals and finding out what it is that we really want.
What We All Really Want
I am going to make a bold statement right now. Everybody wants the same thing in life. That want is to be happy. Now what makes us happy can differ from person to person, but fundamentally we all just want to be happy.
How do we move towards our happiness? By reclaiming our ability to make our own decisions and choosing our directions without the need for social norms to dictate the form of our existence. Finding our autonomy and being congruent with ourselves. By being authentic in the way we express ourselves. Utilizing empathy, compassion and understanding to see that each of us are on our own path of self-discovery and giving one another the room to grow, don't be part of that social norm. Thinking about what it is that we really want from our lives and gravitating towards it.
Making a decision to move towards our own autonomy may not be without its difficulties, the societal norms will resist the changes we try to implement in a regression to the mean. However, if we are persistent what is perceived as an outlier will in time become the mean.
It is this conflict between what we desire and what we are told we should desire, between what we want to do and what society tells us we must do which creates such dismay within ourselves via a lack of congruence. And this is, in part, the reason why the reaction of rolling the eyes is predominant with a slight of contempt when someone states that life is what you make it. It is not because the statement is fundamentally untrue, but more because of the difficulties associated with making the changes themselves.
Conclusion
The reason why some have such an adverse reaction to people saying “Life is what you make it” can be attributed to the feeling of a lack of ability to deviate from the norms to a more congruent and autonomous self. Fundamentally we have been conditioned to accept the state we are in through learned helplessness. Our attempts to gravitate to our autonomous self is often fraught with criticism from the society we exist within which can have adverse effects on our health and well being. But there is a means of combating this and that is to understand oneself, learn to be more congruent and autonomous, learn to be true to who you are as a person. As we become more like the person we want to be, as opposed to who we have to be, our sense of well being can increase.
Its unfortunate society only teaches us how to survive life not how to live it. It is up to us to find out how to live not just survive…
So what did you think? Agree disagree? More to add? Leave a comment start a conversation.
Image sources:
http://www.insites-consulting.com/doing-more-with-less-towards-a-brighter-future/bright-future-ahead/
https://giphy.com/gifs/annoyed-whatever-eye-roll-Lry6jqqgMf3kk
https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/angry-green-dinosaur-chasing-caveman-vector-158637746?irgwc=1&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=Hans%20Braxmeier%20und%20Simon%20Steinberger%20GbR&utm_source=44814&utm_term=
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http://freevector.co/vector-icons/social/graduate.html
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http://ilgroup.info/gtrendslimg-live-life-to-the-fullest-quotes-tumblr.htmlwhy worry youtube vid