It was not easy to read and to be honest, the title of this post worried me quite a bit. I really don't know what to say, because I haven't really met anyone who had to experience what you were/are going through and I don't want to look like a "know-it-all".
What I know, however, is that you are a hero of your own story. I'm sure that, even though it's gonna be a bumpy road, you will write a "happily ever after" ending to your story.
RE: Lost the will to live