About nine months from this day, I will finally be with my world as it unfolds before my eyes- my mama and papa. Even though, as of the moment, I see nothing else but darkness, I have a heart of hope that after I get out of this cage, it’ll be the happiest day of my entire life.
I can’t help but wonder how the touch of my loving parents would feel like- especially when I’m in pain or overjoyed, or what my mama and papa looks like and how they smile or shed a tear. I imagine moments in my mind like: they tuck me into bed, mama sings a lullaby and they both kiss my forehead, papa teaching me how to ride a bike, going to the park, having dinner together as a family, my first visit to the dentist and other milestones that could possibly happen in my life. I just can’t wait to be with them.
Mama and I were just doing fine, she hums me a lullaby every time and said that she’ll always be there to give me sunshine and not rain.
But sometimes, she mumbles things about papa that I don’t quite catch. Is there something wrong?
One day, papa asked to see mama in private- I was worried. Do they have a problem? “I’m not at a place in my life right now where I could raise a child” the exact words that came out of papa’s mouth. Is this pain I’m feeling right now? Papa, why? If I could only cry inside my mama’s womb, I’d probably make a river out of it. But what is wrong with me, am I not that good enough? “She’s our child; we don’t have to be perfect parents. We can’t let her go!” as mama fought back trying to give me a rainbow after papa’s storm of words. “We’re still young! How about our studies? I want to be successful in life!” papa shouted that made mama cry. Papa, stop, please! “I want to achieve a lot in life as well, but she’s our angel! We can’t do this to her”. There was a moment of silence until papa broke the ice: “The decision is final, no more buts” then I felt mama hurting. I guess they deeply deliberated the decision and made up their mind.
Young and in love, that’s what they used to call it- but instead of a blessing, they call me a mistake. Now, I believe, sometimes, things don’t work out as we’d hoped they would. Within the little span of time I had, I lived by “could be’s” or “made up reality” somewhere in neverland. I’ll never see my world, not because I can’t but because they won’t let me. As I go, I think about it as my purpose in my “almost there” life even though life is worth living- for all I know, wherever I go, it’s the place where I should be. Goodbye Mama, goodbye Papa.
-END-
-Gemrose Arcenal-
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