It has been now almost 2 months in India with all the chaos around. It feels like life has just come to a standstill.
Sometimes you just do not have answers for why something is happening in your life. My concerns are no where related to the lockdown, rather I feel that I am at the right time, right place and doing what is required. For me it is more about the health crises of my husband that we are dealing with.
We are in 5th month of handling his health situation. I see there is a slow progress and I feel positive about it, but the whole experience of the last 5 months have shaken me up to the core. It is not the first time that I am dealing with a tough situation, there have been many but the intensity of this one was way beyond my imagination.
It really makes me wonder, what exactly is Life. I never thought of facing something so intense. 5 months of restless days and sleepless nights and we are still going through it. And I keep wondering, that after so much of efforts also sometimes we do not see the result that we expect or should be there, and why is that. We are trying to do all possible right things and we still face challenges. What test of Life is this, and why so much?
Sometime back in one of my blog I had written about this, that sometimes I feel that God really has fun seeing people suffering here and all in the name of Karma. On one side our texts teaches us that faith will make miracles work, but then I wonder how much patience with this faith one should hold. It is like if a person who is thirsty and wants water and desperately keeps craving for it but does not get and finally dies and then someone comes with a glass of water. Will it really matter?
Similarly I feel that if one's faith is also kept on being stretched and pushed, one day the person may just lose all hope and give up, and after that even if what was desired happens, will not make much of sense.
Though I still believe that right things happen at the right time, but then sometimes this right time is tested too much, way beyond our capacity to handle.
Right now how I feel about Life is, nothing really matters to me. Even if I die at this very moment I will be more then happy to get out of this heavy gross body. Some of my friends are planning that after the lockdown what are we going to do.
Honestly I am clueless, I am thinking about it, if I have to step out of my house, where will I go. I can't even think of that. I have nothing in my mind, may be I may not want to step out only.
Last 5 months I have been living on a couple of pair of clothes and indoors just being at hospital and home, I am so much cut off from the outside world, that I may feel lost when I get out of this situation. Everything seems very meaningless, but yes I am missing my Muscat home. I am wanting to go back as soon as the Airlines resume flights. I hope it soon does.
I feel a little low, because this year I had many travel plans which I had been working on since last 2 years and then suddenly everything comes to a standstill. Not even sure when it would be safe to start travelling.
Life is so uncertain, you may think and plan as much as you want, but what the universe has in store for you will always be a big surprise.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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