You definitely sound mildly depressed and generally a little lost. Consider talking to a Doctor and getting some mild anti-depressants. Keep talking to people, don't lose contact and for some, sharing helps a lot. However, only you can break this vicious circle and all any of us can do is offer support.
I wish you best wishes and good for you for doing the most difficult thing which is opening up and talking about and admitting to yourself that you do have a problem.
Be nice to yourself and take care :-)