It's fathers day. I have two things to say.
First - I am glad I became a father, albeit by 'accident' (although, what does one expect when engaging in said action?). Not only has it grounded me, anchored me, and given me my place in the 'circle of life' and the 'tree of life' (it's not just about 'me'), but it healed a bunch of wounds. But my point is this : I am saddened that so many young people are ending their lineage because of falsely-perceived 'burden', or because of falsely perceived 'overpopulation', or the one that I had stuck to 'this world is so horrible why would I want to bring life into it?'.
(image from pixabay)
These are all tragic because they do not grasp the tenacity, the veracity, the glory of the spirit of life, and the spirit of humankind. Our ability to innovate, transform and overcome. Our ability to bring light and love into the darkness. If we cop out of that, we just begin the withering of our ENTIRE LINEAGE's branch of the tree of life.... and to those who think 'ooo overpopulation'...well, you've been shown pictures of starving people, and pictures of busy cities - but have you missed the gazillion miles of empty fields and unpopulated areas? Have you missed the fact that not all lineages are 'the same'? That not all people are the same? That the striving within your lineage is unique, treasured, special? If you opt out due to an intellectual decision, you are consigning your entire genetic diversity, and its ability to overcome adversity, to the bin. In this respect, I often note 'its the 'wrong' people choosing not to breed'
(image from pixabay)
So - children are not for everyone. I get that. Sometimes nature decides with infertility, sometimes people decide. That's cool. But don't make it because of some trash statistics in a room that academia threw at you. And if you are the END of your branch of the glorious tree of life, then please, strive to be an awesome fruit or flower, and abundant one, and not a shriveled, withered twig. Pay the respects and homage to your entire ancestry by striving for that. Not for me, for them.
I love being a father and would not have it any other way (now). Life had to trick me into it though....
SECOND point...
I've seen a lot of posts about 'the awesome mums filling in for deadbeat dads'. I'm sick of the presumption that the dads are deadbeat. Women are not angels by default.
In my experience, modern western women have a huge sense of entitlement and expectation due to a generation of feminist narratives taking over central spaces. This creates a presumption of how much men should 'give (up for) them' when so many of those women have been AS CULPABLE as the men in the cause of the end of a relationship that produced children, but paint a different picture.
(image from pixabay)
The MAIN difference I have noted in women of the last generation and previous generations (where marriages were WAY more successful), is that the women of those generations put THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSON that made the children WITH them before everything else, even the children.
That is what lets a relationship survive: when BOTH people continue to work on and with THEIR relationship around the children. I bet THAT is the hallmark of relationships that 'make it' and those that don't. PM me for odds and to place your stake.
While modern women, who wrack up failed relationships and divorces like no other generation, have been told/taught/decided that 'men own them something' and that the kids get put before everything else and they end up starving the relationship with their man while they go get all their emotional needs met with hugs from the children while dad is left out almost completely and expected to 'grow up' or 'man up' when neither is appropriately applied here. The women have effectively abandoned their relationships, and then they are surprised when they end?
(image from pixabay)
These men are not deadbeat - they've been abandoned by an (possibly falsely-indoctrinated, entitled and expectant) woman who then continues to expect 'everything' from him, while withdrawing herself almost completely from him, then she's surprised he withdraws or shuts down or goes elsewhere...c'mon...really?
My heart goes out to all the dads deprived of access to their children because the mother decided to use the children as an outlet and weapon for their upset about him. And my heart goes doubly out to the children denied access to fathers, and filled with a biased propaganda about them, from mothers who twist the narrative of what ACTUALLY happened in the relationship for the same reason.
(image from...you guessed it... pixabay)
Yes, there are deadbeat dads, but there are properly manipulative and twisted mums too. Just cos mum has the kids, it doesn't make her an angel and dad a good-for-nothing....not by any stretch.
Happy Fathers Day. (I speak out for all the mums on mothers day ;) )