Its been an emotional few days under that rather intense moon. I'm missing its influence already - it was lovely.
I'm left with a strong sense of sad reflection about all the lovely, loving people I know who just can't get the happiness and satisfaction in relating they hope for.
You see, I've been one of them most of my life. I've censored and stifled and shut myself down time and time again in intimate relating, closing the door to authentically expressing who I am, with what life bubbles up inside me - playfully, courageously, joyfully, frightfully.
Judgements, expectations, consequences and baggage left me gagged me in my sensual and sexual life, which is why I'm so motivated to offer what I have learned about gender and relating to others - I'm desperate for others to not end up like me....to learn their own gender drives as early as possible, to cultivate skill and practice as early as possible, because two things I have learned:
It is never too late to change, but it can be too late to change with who you are with (friends, family or intimate loved ones, by them no longer having the time or tolerance for you to try out new behaviours, and be inexpert in them).
If you delay, if you repress like I did, either through avoidance or long term addictions, then your age will outstrip your capacity/dexterity by a long way and you will not be able to meet the expectations of your increasingly-mature relationship partners.
You'll likely end up like I've been - every stifled repression of lifes spark fuelled my depression, introversion and my frustrated sense of hopelessness, not to mention adding weight to my already weighty baggage.
If you delay too long, then your relationship will wash up like so many others, and the remaining choices will be to go from shallow relationship to shallow relationship that last until your lack of dexterity comes up (or you find a skill-match), or to pair up with someone much younger than you, as they will be a closer match to your dexterity levels in that area than someone your own age, but then you have to hope they have opposite needs and want an older partner like you!
Don't delay - get into the terror of working with gender expression and don't let it fall behind the rest of your development - you've all seen those bodybuilders that are 'all arms, no legs'...don't let that be your gender life!