Since my teens (I am in my early 30s now) I have been comfortable and VERY happy with own company. In fact, I would choose time to myself any day over time with people. But this is even more so with those who drain my energy, don't add value to me or simply waste my time. So in that sense, I am picky about the people I surround myself and thus ever more picky with friends. And because I know EXACTLY what I want in a friend, I don't waste my time hoping someone will one day change. Or worse, putting up with someone just so I can benefit something from them or for 'fear' of not having friends. Interestingly, the older I get the pickier I've become with those I keep as friends. And since I don't live in the same city I spent most of my life in, I don't see them often. So how come I ended up with - despite my best efforts to pick only the 'best' - with friends who are semi dumb?
Well, firstly let me tell you about them. I have a handful of 'close' friends, and not all of them know each other or even know the existence of the other. For example, one of my closest friends I have known her since I was 6 years old and we even went to the same primary school. Our families are close too. She has rare qualities that I highly admire and I can trust her with my life because she is honest, loyal, authentic, generous and considerate. In the last few years, and as my interests and priorities in life changed, we grew a little apart, but when we see each other, it's like we've never been apart. So what's wrong with this friend? Well the same thing that's plagued people in this day and age; she has been dumbed down by social media. Her instagram and whats app profile are full of that stupid face people make when taking selfies. You might think that there's nothing wrong with that, but I think it's a huge indication of how bad things have become for my generation. Let's face it, anyone born after the 90s can be sucked up by this stupidity and I would not be surprised. But I have a hard time accepting that those born in the 80s or earlier entertaining this stupidity. Why? Because it's a sign of how insecure people have become with the expansion of social media. There is no reason for an intelligent person (like my friend) to regularly change her profiles or post new photos of her doing the SAME face unless she considers it a cool thing. And if she does, then that's a sign of how dumb using these platforms have made her. Every time I see these photos, I cringe. I cringe for her, and for who she used to be.
The second friend I have known for a few years, and when we first met, we clicked instantly. We would have deep conversations about different topics, but also had the same view about those we didn't relate to. This friend is highly intelligent, has some of her works published, is currently setting up her own business, and she can contribute to any discussion in a comprehensive and impressive way. However, she also has a dumb side. Firstly, she has many 'empty' friends and I suspect they are partly the cause of her current state. So what's my issue with this friend? Well, again, it's social media. In particular, whats app. She regularly changes her profile photo, and in the beginning I used to wonder if she had changed her number and another person was using it. But I realized it was still her number. This highly intelligent friend is obsessed with (I am ashamed to say it) Victoria Beckham. This would be something I would expect from my 7 year old niece or 11 year cousin, but not my 30 something year old friend. Almost every few days is a new photo of this celebrity. I don't care for celebrities, but if people like a celebrity, I say good luck. But when this celebrity makes regular appearances on a person's social media, then there's a problem. There's a problem of insecurity where the person looks upto someone they don't know and who has not done ANYTHING notable in the grand scheme of things. When I was 12,13 and 14, I had celebrity posters on my bedroom wall. I read celebrity magazines and I followed the lives of my favourite ones. But at that age, when we barely know who we are, it is often normal to search for our identities through the lives of others. And luckily, we grow out of it, or at least we should. My friend is partly still at that stage, and it's both sad and embarrassing.
The last friend I met her while working in the Middle East. She is a lovely person, and like my other friends is honest, loyal, considerate, generous and principled. She is always happy and as a mother of three young children, I often wonder where she gets the energy. But again, and like my two formerly mentioned friends, she was bitten by the social media dumb bug. For example, most of her instagram posts are like the image below, and whenever I receive a whats app message from her, 80% of the time, it's useless 100+ words of forwarded messages such as 'What did the husband say to his wife?' or 'What happens when your boss is late for work?' Basically, trash! Again, she is in her early 30s, but posts things that teenagers should find interesting or funny.
Conclusion
You might be wondering why I care about what these friends do in their own time, but for me it's more than them wasting their time. It's about the decline of the human brain in the age of social media. In many countries and cultures, 16 year olds are entrusted with HUGE responsibilities and run households without the help of an adult family member. I am not saying that all 16 year olds should do this, but I am only using this example to show the potential of a person depending on their circumstances. My friends are in their 30s, are mature (most of the time!) offline, but add social media to the equation, and their intelligence, grace and sound judgements diminish. They become 10 and 11 year olds that are searching for their identities and hoping for social proof. They become everything I don't want in friends, and it's difficult to distinguish between their offline characteristics and virtual persona. Or maybe the problem is not them, but me. Maybe I should be less judgemental and let them be. But if I did that, I would not be true to myself or them.