Did you read the headline? If not, go back and read it. You'll need that information now or what I'm about to write won't make much sense. Actually, never mind. I forgot what I was about to write.
It's gone.
What I had planned is now a mystery.
I spent many weeks in self-inflicted solitary confinement. Today, because apparently there is some kind of a holiday thing coming up, I decided to do what is forbidden.
Decided to leave my prison cell by the lake. There are now people around me. I almost forgot what they looked like.
The first thing I noticed was how I don't like it when I have to use the toilet but somebody else is in there. They never seem to be in too much of a hurry either. By the time you say, "I have to go," and they respond with, "Okay, just a second," usually it is too late, and a second is far too much time to be waiting.
The second thing I noticed was how their voices don't ever seem to shut up. Why do people put others on speaker phone, then yell across the room for twenty minutes about shit nobody cares about?
Needless to say, so far I nearly shit my pants and have a really bad headache.
Cough
I smoke like a chimney some days and today is one of those days. One after another. Sometimes I gag on the damn things. I coughed once and they all looked at me like I was trying to kill them.
I've been reminded to wash my hands at least seven times today. They're so clean I'm cleaning the clean off and that's not even clean enough for some people. Even the germs are sparkling.
My mom sprayed Lysol on my shoes and threw them outside. I don't even know what to say about that. I accepted it as 'normal behavior'.
Everyone is talking again.
I'm finished talking, for now. And I don't want to listen either.
I thought I missed people. I might become a hermit after this though because as much as it sucked to be alone, I think I actually enjoyed that cabin in the middle of nowhere, far away from everyone, now that I'm reminded of what everyone is like to be around.
Writing this is damn near impossible. I can't even hear my own thoughts because everyone is too busy vocalizing theirs.
Every time I turn on some music and try the headphone trick, people approach me to begin saying words I can't hear. So then I have to turn everything off, take off the headset, say, "What?"
"Are you hungry?"
No. I'm annoyed.
I miss my bird friends.
This is a strange feeling. I'm sure a prisoner who had been locked away for a long time could relate. All this freedom. All these people. No idea what to do with it. Everything seems so much louder. Like their voices. Holy shit.
My brain is a fireworks show at a circus right now and for some reason I smell popcorn.
"Do you want some popcorn."
No.
And the Lysol didn't evaporate, it froze. My shoes were covered in iced disinfectant and now my socks are wet, but at least they smell clean?
Why is this happening to me...
That's why.
I see a lot of perfect people in social media. A lot of chaos in mainstream media. Much confusion in alternative media. In that world everyone seems to be either demanding or commanding my attention, so annoying — I shut it all off, with the exception of you lucky buzzers hiving around here.
All I really have left in life are these people all around me who can't be turned off. I love how they annoy me. The chaos and confusion is perfect.
Have a nice day.
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