Chirping
Headache
The birds were chirping and I wanted them to shut up. As I write this, hours later; they're still at it.
They were my alarm clock today. I left the window open all night. A nice cool breeze and that constant stream of fresh air pouring into my lungs was just what the doctor ordered. I slept through the whole thing though. It would have been nice to experience that, you know? But instead, I wake up like sleep didn't even happen to the sounds of these birds having a conversation about, "Squawk!"
There are thousands of these things!
*I didn't actually count them.
Now imagine, it's morning, you're laying there, your alarm is going off, and there's nothing you can do about it.
We've all seen that movie or the cartoon where the guy hears the annoying alarm clock. He wakes up, he pulls out a massive mallet and proceeds to smash the alarm clock into fourteen quadrillion pieces then rolls over and goes back to sleep. Springs everywhere. Problem solved.
Must be nice!
I can't smash these birds, you guys. I just don't have it in me. Some of them are really cute, normally I like birds, and I don't think I should be out there climbing trees at the ass crack of dawn with a hammer in one hand and no safety harness. I'm probably getting too old for that shit.
There's always a better way.
Music
Because it's not nice to drown them out with water.
I could almost feel their little beaks pecking a small hole into my skull so they could finish eating the rest of my thought process.
I thought, two can play at this game, so I press play.
Rise up this mornin'
Smiled with the risin' sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying', (this is my message to you)
All Gods
Past, present, and future.
They're messing with me today.
This had to be a team effort because that song, out of thousands on that list, is the song that 'randomly' plays first.
Did Bob Marley's hand extend down from the clouds today and hit shuffle? What's going on here?
Bird Brain Syndrome
That's what I'm calling it.
I'm clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness that somehow flew under the radar of modern medicine and science stuff until today.
Symptoms include:
- Hearing birds.
- Hearing Bob Marley sing about birds for no apparent reason.
- Slowly going crazy.
- More bird sounds.
- And more bird sounds.
- And more bird sounds.
- And more bird sounds.
- Birds flying into the window and going thunk.
- Thoughts about feathers.
- Wondering where the gun is.
- Sudden chicken cravings.
- Wanting to fly.
- Rocking back and forth as you sit in the corner.
- Throwing rice.
- Kaboom!
