In the long term, on both sides of the Atlantic, it seems ‘same gender homes’ may well become the norm. This is not a notion generated by gay pride but rather a dream created by the passionately heterosexual who failed to find or hold onto their soul mates.
Fed up with the fruitless search of finding ‘the one’ they opt for a series of relationships that are right for them at the time but have no prospect of developing into lifelong commitment.
The difference in the sexes is well documented and books on the Venus and Mars theory can be found on many shelves. Being poles apart in thoughts and actions makes it impossible to settle down with someone who comes close but not close enough to the ideal partner. Without real love there can never be enough tolerance and without that the home quickly becomes unbearable.
The same level of demands though are not made of the same gender. Habits and indiscretions are more readily understood and overlooked.
The idea of same gender homes was first voiced to me in passing by a vivacious French woman residing in New York. Just turned thirty, attractive, articulate and successful she appeared to be the last person who would champion such a scheme.
"It is not that I long to share a place with my girl friends but it is the logical conclusion if I can’t find the man of my dreams," she asserts, "I’m not prepared to set up home with a man just to find that we are completely incompatible after the first flush of romance has gone."
Within her circle of friends the idea is gaining momentum as the Big Apple fails to unearth a companion they can feel totally at home with.
Kathy, a divorced mother of two, pointed out that "men are great for the fun and sexual side of things but there is less pressure and hassle when you can show them the door at the end of the night and retire to your own space. Doesn’t matter if you’re sharing that space with another female, the expectations are different."
To show how deep this idea has taken hold she confirmed that, along with four of her female friends, she had taken out a savings plan with a view to obtaining a mortgage on a "house in Brooklyn heights to enjoy retirement and subsequent twilight years together."
If it had not been for a chance conversation with other parents at the school gates at a primary school in rural Cambridgeshire some weeks later I may have dismissed the idea of same gender homes as a purely American phenomenon.
Mike confirmed that not only it isn’t just American it isn’t gender specific either.
He began by explaining he wasn’t happy in his marriage. Nothing unusual there but he went on to say that this was his third marriage and once it was over he would never share a home with a woman again. Far from being detrimental to the opposite sex he had simply decided he, "like the majority of the population, were incompatible with the other sex."
As if to strengthen his case he went on to say, “I’ve been asking around the other dads here and the agreement is almost a hundred percent. Given the choice they would prefer to live in a blokes only commune when they retire. It’s not just about TV or activities, everything seems to be out of kilter, the middle ground, finding compromise with a woman, just isn’t as hospitable as it once was. Both sexes are more polarised I guess.”
Struggling to define his vision of the single-sex utopia living he did confess that the ground rules for this arrangement would take time to flesh out. "Kids, wives and girlfriends would be able to visit of course... but not often. In reality, every bloke would be encouraged to meet them off site instead."
I’d be interested to hear others opinions. Would you consider this type of arrangement to be a harmonious commune or gender gulag?