A colourful Igbo bride. Source
I'm an African and in most African communities, marriage is sacred and upheld with much respect. For a typical African, marriage is not what you go into today, then jump out of it the next week. We Africans do a lot of thinking and planning before getting married.
According to our African tradition, I am "ripe for marriage". For the past few months, I've been having several suitors, but I'm terribly scared of getting married. It's not that I do not desire to get married. Far from it. As a matter of fact, I've been waiting for these suitors to start coming. But why am I now scared of what I want?
My fears are deep-rooted in the fact that I subjected myself to an abusive relationship for a long period. I allowed the "teenagers emotional stupidity" to tie me to someone who is very abusive. He always sees something wrong in everything I do. He has a way of trying to make me feel bad about myself. I believe he never loved me, yet he wouldn't let me be. I tried breaking up with him, but he'll always promise to change for good which he never did. Fortunately, when I got older, I left him and moved on with my life. The life that isn't the same anymore.
My emotions had been shattered. The fear of the opposite sex has been planted in my mind and right now, it's very difficult to pull it off. After my last abusive relationship, I withdrew from dating anyone. I keep male friends, but I don't get emotionally attached to anyone. In recent times, I'm beginning to desire being a wife. I want to start having my own kids. I want to get married, yet I'm terribly scared of trusting and loving again.
An Igbo bride presenting wine to her husband. Source.
In Igboland, south-eastern Nigeria where I come from, when you reach a certain age, everyone starts pressurizing you to get married. I have more than three suitors, but my heart is so troubled and scared of accepting anyone. Funny enough, the one who caused this trouble by his abusive lifestyle is also begging to marry me. He said he has changed for good (though I'm not considering accepting him). I do not know what to do now. I hope I won't make marrital mistake as divorce is not a welcomed development in my part of the world.
I'll be glad to receive advice from you in the comment below.
