No shame, but I admit I have tried ending my life twice and the thought visits me very often since 2017 started. I get breakdowns almost every week, crying very hard when no one is looking.
― Source: SM Entertainment's Twitter Account
What comes to mind when you hear someone very talented, very kind, very handsome, and very rich has committed suicide? I've read a lot of questions online and it's always, "Why?" He has everything, they said. It was cruel and sad reading the comments about his passing. But what do people who haven't gone through depression know? You can't really blame them for their choice of words.
When I knew about it, my heart sank. My head was only filled with his music and his beautifully written lyrics. If you're into Kpop, it's easy to get distracted with all the glitter and glamour, and most of the time fans forget that they're humans, too. They get hurt, too. And it must be a lot harder because one false move, their whole life will be spread online like wildfire ― giving everyone the "permission" to mock them as they pleases. You know, no matter how dark depression is, it's always blinded by the light Kpop idols have to portray every single day and Kim Jonghyun is definitely one of the most sunshiny humans that ever graced Korean Entertainment.
You can make mistakes from time to time; everyone else does too
If I tell you “it’s alright”, I know that they’re only words
When someone sighs, how can I understand such deep breaths
Your sigh, Even though I won’t be able to understand its depth,
that’s okay ― I will embrace you."
Breath by Lee Hi, Written by Kim Jonghyun,
One of my comfort songs was written by him, and together with Lee Hi's beautiful voice, it transports me into another place where pain is never present. But hearing it now and upon reading Jonghyun's suicide letter, it only brought me tears and perhaps will continue to do so.
So here's a quick recap of how we should deal with people whose battling depression:
- Listen
- Listen
- Listen
Do not take someone else's pain lightly even though it doesn't makes sense to you at all. I've encountered a number of people, most of them close to me, who raises their eyebrows whenever they hear something very trivial that I get "upset" to. No, I am not only bitching about life, but I am literally tired of living. To get up every single morning is already taking up so much energy. It is not that I am not thankful, actually, I want to live normally. I want to feel what it's likes to be completely thrilled of what's in store for me, but the demons hide and they hide pretty well. They only come out when I feel somewhat happy and it's the most terrifying thing.
To Kim Jonghyun of Shinee,
I know you want to hear these words, and although I am nothing but a stranger I still want you to know that you are one of the most talented Korean idols that blessed this generation. Thank you for your music and for writing beautiful, beautiful lyrics. You've worked hard and fought well. Love & Light.