There stands a girl in vintage thrift blue.
With pigtails.. (you can barely see them because it's not a high quality pic and her head blends into the background.) See that girl? The one next to the fake cop who dearly loved those fake leather pants he was wearing that night, because he never ever ever wore clothes like that. See that silly girl? That's me.
That was me anyway. That was the summer of 1995. And that night was quite the special one.
And I'll share it with you, imaginary YOU. I speak to you and I only can imagine who you might be. Maybe you're Tom Hanks. Did you come to visit my blog, dearestTom?
Probably it's not you. Oh, Tom, you should know that my heart kids itself constantly. But.... if it is you, just know that you are my very #1 favorite actor. It was Sleepless in Seattle.
That's when you stole my heart. Dearest Sam. Annie found you in the end, and you reached out your had to hers and in your dreamy Tom Hanks movie star voice you said,
"Shall we?"
And she took your hand
and I melted away into a thousand wishes.
Oh, Tom. I know I have silly dreams of you reading my blog and smiling. I am a dreamer of big dreams, even silly ones. So, it's fine. I have faith that you'll find me someday. I believe it's meant to be that we will meet. I will get your autograph someday. Maybe you will even sign my Sleepless in Seattle DVD. I would absolutely die if that happened. I'd be so happy.
Anyway. I was listening to this song by Weezer in my car today, and it reminded me of the night of that photo.
I was in a fashion show for a local thrift store that night with my friends. The 3 people in that photo were my best friends at the time. The "fake cop" was my very best friend. We all met by being co-workers at my first summer job. We all painted college dorms together at the college we attended.
Yep. I was a paid dorm painter.
It was the greatest job I ever had. I did it for 2 summers. It was the second summer in 1996 that I actually met my good friend 
But anyway, later into the evening during the night of this picture I became quite melancholy. I mean I had had a great time doing the modeling thing for the shop, but later on I was kind of annoyed by a friend who kept offering me a clove cigarette and I didn't want one.
She became angry and called me a chicken (she was very drunk)
as if we were in some comedy movie and I was supposed to be all huffy and say back to her, "I am NOT a chicken" and then defiantly smoke the damned cigarette to prove myself worthy of her respect.
I didn't do that. Instead, I just shook my head and took her drink away and walked up to the balcony and leaned against the rail and looked at the most beautiful full moon I've ever seen as the Weezer song began to play.
(Are you playing the Weezer song with me yet? Did you forget to think of doing that? Click the play button up there)
And as the song played, I stared up at the moon and I began to think about how there was someone in my life who was treating me badly. I wished for the knowledge and strength to allow myself to just get over him. It was one of those moments where time seems to stand still.
The only other person in the whole world that understood me was the moon.
Do you ever have those moments with the moon yourself? She is quite the good friend sometimes. And then, sometimes.. she is just gone.
One of my favorite songs is "Moon River." I love it so much that I covered it so that one day when I'm no longer here, my daughter can listen to it and feel like I'm with her. I sang it to her every night for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of nights. It was only a few years ago that I stopped when she said she was "too old for bedtime songs." I cried so hard that night.
But one day maybe she will want to hear me sing it again, and whenever that is, when the time comes, she will have it.
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