Life doesn't seem real sometimes. I was filming this bloom of some sort and a lily petal fell in the background. I didn't see it at the time, just noticed movement from the corner of my eye and heard something drop. I stopped recording because it startled me a bit. The video is 7 seconds, so if you are worried it will take too much time in your day to watch a lily petal fall, leave those worries behind you.
So, anyway. I didn't know what it was until I watched the video. It kind of shocked me in a surreal way. I felt almost like the moment was given to me, instead of being something that just happened. A gift from the universe... from God.. something.
Strange how things work in the world. I've been in a really heavy mood. Last night I did a lot of recording of things. Flowers, leaves.. the sky.. the moon. I became overwhelmed with the beauty of the evening and sang a few songs while recording. I kept this one. It seemed to work out for me, even though my voice goes flat sometimes. I've learned not to care about that too much.
In the mornings lately I've been feeling kind of empty. There is a hollowness inside that I'm not enjoying. But this just tells me I need to find some way to fulfill it, and in a positive way. I have a bad tendency to fill voids in a negative way, and I'm really working on fixing that.
It feels like I'm being tested. "Can she handle this right now?" I can't get into specifics of what's happening in my life right now, but it's shitty, if you wanna know the mood. Bad. That is the reality. Been in the hospital a bit, not for myself this time, though.
There is a moment when you're visiting someone in the hospital and you are looking out the window.. at least in my experience.. and you begin to reflect upon the meaning of life. It's a moment that takes your breath away, but not in a good way. It's as if you can feel the happiness being pulled out of your body as if it was attached to a kite. The kite flies away with your smile. That's what it's like. I feel the kite fly away when I look out the window.
I like being on the higher floors because it feels easier to think about things that way. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's just because I like to be up high.
Here's the view from the window. Sent to me from the patient. He was given this sunset to dwell upon, and clearly it resonated with him.
It's beautiful, yes? If hospital rooms didn't have windows, what a dreary place they would truly be. They're dreary anyway, but imagine hospitals with no windows. Sadness.
I'll leave you with that chipper thought. Mainly because I need to get to work. I'm on summer break but I still have to work. I have an online job that helps out a bit, but it doesn't involve actually focusing and working. So, I will go do that now.
I hope you all are having a lovely day, evening, night.. wherever you are. Sending love and light to you.
♥ - Serena
p.s. I have been spending more time over at instagram lately. You can find me here. I need more accounts to follow. But anyway, I rather enjoy it most of the time.
Also sidenote:
I made the mistake of popping into facebook one day last week and making an actual post.. that was a big mistake. I got comments which I really should have answered, but I can't bring myself to do it. I put hearts on them... likes... and moved on. One thing I hate about facebook is that your'e given the options to either "Like" something or "love" it. That was the single most annoying thing they ever introduced into the platform, in my opinion. Why don't you LOVE me? Thoughts in my head.
There was one comment that I did not like, but I fought the urge to interact with him. I was proud of myself for resisting, since he is is one of the reasons I left that place anyway. Winning tiny battles, for the win. FTW. FTW is really WTF in hindsight. Just observing.