It seems like it has taken forever but I feel a deep sense of vacation and leisure has arrived in my awareness. How odd that it would come at this time when all the world around me seems to be in upheaval...
Before my lady and I left on our grand journey in our van we were longing so much to finally "arrive" somewhere, somewhere where we would feel meaningful and... right. More resonant and purposeful.
But during all these months on the road in crazy covi times it's been kinda hard feeling "arrived" on the inside. There were millions of things to do, challenges to overcome and decisions to be made. It was a most odd year for most people on Earth and we are no exception.
But despite the fact that we have not yet arrived at the place we set out to find... the last days I have felt increasingly... serene. A sense of vacation and leisure has entered my mind and being and somehow it feels just right.
There seems to be less self-created pressure to perform, to "make things happen" and to accomplish. At the same time I feel more wise and able to deal with the challenges that come our way, like any good vacation should deliver. A break from it all that will charge the internal batteries up in a lasting and sustainable way.
And though we are still in the same indoor surrounding since February, living in our van, we have seen new places and have gotten to know Montenegro well.
The sense of purpose and anticipation to continue our travels next month has somehow reassured us that we are on the right path and that what we really should be doing is to take more time to appreciate the moment while we are here, to cherish the amazing situation we are finding ourselves in, wrestling with "challenges" these days that must sound outright absurd to most of our friends and family back home.
Luxury problems: too much sunshine, mosquitoes at night when we walk without a shirt on and the questions of what we shall cook tonight looking at the sun setting...
But then we totally deserved a break after all these actual challenges these past months. And now I feel just grateful and honored to see the ease of life arrive in me once more, recharging my spirit to be able to meet new challenges and take the next leg of our impending continued travels.
Maybe I am getting wiser, slowly. Less eccentric trying to control everything and more of a trusting to dance with existence as it unfolds. I will likely forget again in the midst of the next activity tornado but for now I am at peace and dig every moment of it as I feel more and more of the old baggage falling off that doesn't find any current resonance any longer.
I also see the fruits of my labor and study pay off which in turn reinforces my faith in where it is I am going and that I am utterly capable of delivering what life asks of me. And so the more able I feel, the more I can trust it and relax into the faith that I am perfect where I am, with far less need to force anything like I used to...
A self-reinforcing upward cycle. Trying to enjoy it while not riding its highs for all too long before it comes crashing down again ahahaha.
I appreciate this every day. The enjoyment of it all. Thank you universe <3
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