Today marks my 678th day of living in Mihara, Hiroshima.
Smiling brightly hiding all the concerns and worries of how am I supposed to live a life away from home, Pearl of the Orient Seas.
At 28, I have learned to spread my wings widely rejecting the option to return home. I have made the boldest step of my life to shy away from the shadows of my loving parents and protective brothers. Dethroning myself as the Princess of our humble home.
365 days were full of anxieties and whirlwind. Emotionally and Psychologically.
I was emotionally battling against myself, introversion is not very well seen in me but I am introverted. People see me the opposite for I always make sure not to have a dull moment when around people or whenever there’s a gathering. Yet, only a very few number of people knew how drained I get every time I do so. Having a high percentage of suppressing my emotions often placed me to a point of blowing up and cry hysterically. It wasn’t the best of me.
Most people of my age, at that time, are mature enough to control their emotions. They say “ mind over matter”. Yes indeed, but not everybody knows the weight of those words until they have experienced it themselves, like I did. It sure was not easy and was a long process to take but taking it was the best part of the journey.
Psychologically, discovering a lot of blindspots in me was amazing. It was not easy and it took me a while to embrace things that I am capable of and not capable of. There were so many times that I have doubted my capabilities of teaching and that I am not a good teacher and so many times where I feel guilty of not being able to help people as much as I could.
credits: Ikuho Okamoto
The guilt feeling was so strong in me that I had to constantly remind myself that I am not a super human and I don’t have everything to help and be of help for others. Having this kind of personality in me is admirable, I know. But to force myself to do more than what I can do is another thing.
But I have learned that helping as much as one can is enough and when one’s inability to help is not feasible, its totally fine. Its perfectly fine for I, like you, are merely humans.
If I were to write all the challenges I have had in my 365 days, this blog would be very lengthy, enough to be submitted for drama series. Haha
Anyhow, let me tell you how I overcame my 356 days.
First, PRAY. This is the strongest weapon a person has to overcome great and small challenges of life. It has been a very important thing for me to connect to my Heavenly Father that guides and sustains me in those seasons.
credits: Daryl Salazar
Second, family. My family has been my strength. My desire for them to taste a better life, kept me going on today.
My loving Grandmother who went home already. 😭😭😭
My younger, but looking older, protective and competitive brothers.
Mudra and Pudrabells
Third, the desire to deny myself. Realizing that worldly desires of power and pleasure requires a lot of hard work made me set my expectations above and direct them all above, it made all of my worldly desires nothing compared to what was promised by my Heavenly Father. I cannot say that I have fully denied myself to date but every single day I try my best to make a step in doing this.
credits: Daryl Salazar
The remaining 313 days, were full of hope and strength. Probably because I was almost accustomed to the way of life in the Land of the Rising Sun.
Anxiety and fears come visit me from time to time but with my Heavenly Father who sustained me here, was the best part of it. Just as he said.“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”
Isaiah 41:10 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/isa.41.10.nkjv
credits: Daryl Salazar
Being often known as a strong woman is a lie. Not many knew that every single day, I fight. I fight battles behind my smiles and even if I have to explain myself; almost nobody believes in me. Then I decided to stop explaining why I do certain things. It may not be easy because it has become a habit of mine for so long but to take little steps every single time mean something.
I am not a strong woman, I only have a God who sustains me and fight battles, both, known and unknown to me and its enough for me. Life is hard and living it for it is even harder, the same goes to living it for the Lord but knowing that He is with you in living it for Him is much more fun and enjoyable making me more less of me.
The last 100 days of 678 was full of it. I met new friends who are also fighting the same battle as mine, having communion with them was overwhelming thus making me forget my purpose and it was hard to get back up. I lost my grandma who was not just a grandmother to me but a mother, a friend, a sister, and my love. Making a huge step in transferring to another company. 9 days living with a completely different person and mindset. Everything was just so hard. And so today, I put an end to all of it.
Goodbye to the place who witnessed all my struggles. But see you to the people who helped me a lot in my stay.
To my Brazilian Family who adopted me as their child bringing me to places I’ve never been to and guiding me and preparing me spiritually for the next big thing that is about to come to my life.
To my Japanese Grandmother who constantly looked after me and provided me with everything that I needed, even beyond.
To my church who were my first family in Mihara. Thank you for the prayers and support.
To my boss, despite our differences and misunderstandings you have been a vessel for me to come here.
Now, I can finally rest my case. Finding time for refreshment after the last 100 days of whirlwind. Taking time with my Heavenly Father.
Praise God for the experiences I had in Mihara, Hiroshima.
THANK YOU FOR SPENDING SOME TIME READING.
To check out for my next gig, adventure and life realizations.
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Again, thank you and God bless!!!