Jeff, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts like this and especially your honesty concerning this journey. I think you have really hit the nail on the head in some respects.
Did you know this is in the Bible?

O Lord, my strength, and my fortress, and my refuge in the day of affliction, the Gentiles shall come unto thee from the ends of the earth, and shall say, Surely our fathers have inherited lies, vanity, and things wherein there is no profit.

We have inherited lies. You will not hear this from Christians because they cannot handle it. They are so brainwashed into thinking that their teaching is the only way and because I believe they instinctively know that if they concede it to be true, the rug will be pulled out from under their belief system and it will come crashing down.
You admit you believe in a Creator. Isn't it logical to think that the Creator also runs His Creation and so it is not just running itself?
You pointed out how contradictory the Old and New Testament are. Are they really or is that contradiction a product of Christian dogma?
Christianity is a very schizophrenic religion but its adherents are too brainwashed to see it. Following the Creator's plan for our life involves much more than "giving your life to Jesus"
Your honesty is refreshing and it is good to see you are feeling better since your trip. I think as we get older we discover that home is a good place to be and it is good to enjoy our time with family.
Thanks for sharing this post with us!