Dear diary,
I am scared for tomorrow.
But I am also happy that tomorrow will be the day we hear what they can do for my mom.
In our family we have lost a few people to cancer. It was hard to see it all go down but we always managed to keep our heads up.
But now that is this close to the heart, now that it's my mom, it feels ....
I simply can't put words to the fear that I am feeling. Let alone how this must feel for my mom.
My mom is a person who will always say she is doing well.
It might be the way she is brought up, or just the way she is but its always hard to read.
I know she is scared because she acts a little different in small things.
I am just glad that I am there for her to hold her hand and guide her to what ever is coming.
I feel sadness but also anger.
I alway said, what a weird question to ask... why me? Why us?
But I started to ask these questions.
I think its the fear of not knowing.
Maybe we will get some bad new tomorrow.
Maybe it will be the end.
And maybe that fear is what makes me ask those questions.
But, what if we get good news?
What if they can do something to safe her life?
Have I forgotten that that is a possibility as well?
It sure feels like its the end of the world.
Tomorrow, tomorrow we will know!
Tomorrow is kind of judgement day.
I am scared but also ready to fight
I know my mom is ready as well.
No matter the outcome we will find a way to cope.
We will face what ever comes our way!
We will stand tall
We will fight.
But today?
Today I am just scared.
