Into the darkness- A bittersweet love story
Chapter 4 Enter the Incubus.
This is the fourth instalment or chapter of my story as a targeted individual which I hope to post in instalments. I hope that you enjoy it.
So much has happened to me over the last four years and I don't know quite where to start my story, so I will just start at the beginning where I thought that I had first met the man that I would call “Lucy”. In hindsight however, I realise that he was one of the five magicians and I had already met him. I just hadn't been made aware of him yet. I called him Lucy because one day when I asked him his name, which normally like me, he avoided answering, on this day he replied that his name was “Lucien”, so I took to calling him Lucy because it was shorter than Lucien and being Australian I am fond of shortening names, I was also being a bit of a bitch by calling him a girl's name because I knew that that would annoy him. To be honest it has taken me nearly a year to get back to sanity or some form of reality after Lucy. He really knocked me for a six and made me almost completely ga-ga, it has been a long road back. I literally have like three or four note books that I have filled with notes trying to get my mind back after Lucy and it is quite confronting about having to think about it again but I am determined to get back to some happiness after him and so I will tell my story in the hopes that it will break the black magic spell that he cast over me. I'll be damned if I will let him win over me.
Who was Lucy? Lucy was one of the five magicians and he was their ultimate weapon against me. As I said it has taken me nearly a year to come back from Lucy. As to what he was, I do not know exactly what manner of man he was. I often wondered whether he was a demon or incubus because he seemed at times to be feeding off me in some manner. However, he showed himself to me in many guises and everything that he said about himself was a lie. In fact, everything that he said was a lie and nothing that he said could be trusted. Sometimes it was really hard to remember that because he was so charming and nice that I wanted to believe him. He was fond of using the black magic illusion of truth, whereby he created the illusion of truth by constant repetition. Even though I knew that everything that he said was a lie, I could not help myself being sucked in by him in some part because he constantly repeated the same lies and they became like the truth because they were repeated so often. The other thing was that I had utterly fallen for him, but because he was such a bad man I fought it as hard as I could. However, the harder I fought against him, the harder I fell for him. He was like this unmovable force that I could not win against. It was the most amazing thing. I have never come across a guy who could best me, but in Lucy I had certainly met my match. And he served me my ass on a platter. How I am supposed to come back from Lucy, I really don't know but I am hoping that by writing about my experiences can free me from the black magic spell, that he quite openly admitted to casting on me.
I had a scenario daydream where I was on a plane and I was flying to the United States and this gross guy was harassing me in my seat and I called the hostess to see if I could move seats. Luckily she could move seats for me and sat me down next to a good looking older blonde man in the first class seats. I was so relieved to be away from the man who was harassing me and so I thanked the man profusely for letting me sit next to him. The man was very charming and we exchanged pleasantries for the rest of the flight. At one point he gave me his phone number. The next scenario I was in a movie studio for some reason and the studio executives wanted me to stay the night at the Jason entity's home which I did not want to do. Remembering that I had the nice man's phone number I called him to help me and he came. When he arrived the studio executives were really polite to him and treated him with respect. One of the executives even said that he owns 30% of the studio. The kind man and I leave the studio and he takes me to his house in his car, and I am so tired from fighting the five black magicians that I fall asleep in the car. When we get to his house, which is a mansion, he picks me up and for some reason puts me into his bed and I quickly fall asleep because I am so tired. The kind man was presented to me in the first instance as being my saviour and I was in fact, very grateful to him for saving me from the Jason entity. Little did I know that in fact I would need protecting from Lucy.
He was very tall, blonde and had a kind face, twinkling nice blue eyes and he was very handsome. He was also very charming and I felt safe around him which was nice as I hadn't felt safe in a really long time since this had all started. Every time he looked at me, my heart skipped a beat and I knew that I should be on my guard but I was so tired and he was being so nice, I let myself be lulled into a false sense of security. Mostly at first in the daydream scenarios because I was so tired he would just put me to bed and I would sleep, which was a god send as I was so tired. I am grateful to Lucy that he let me rest during this time because I was just so exhausted. He was just so kind to me and I felt like he was rescuing me and I felt so grateful to him and in that moment, I loved him completely. There would be times where I just sat down by his feet, just to be near him, I was so grateful that he had saved me from being under attack. I loved him in that moment and could not help myself from expressing my gratitude physically by kissing him. I know it was inappropriate but I just felt so grateful and I had so much love for him that I wanted to show him how I felt. His kisses and caresses were so lovely but I couldn't ignore the fact that the studio executives had said that he owned 30% of the studio, that is, he was somehow their boss. I felt instinctively that Lucy was someone who I should ultimately be wary off and I was proved right.
Lucy was definitely one of the bad men, he was one of the five black magicians and he changed me forever. Coming back from the madness that is Lucy has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done, it almost broke me. In fact, I know that I will never be the same, Lucy has left an indelible mark on me. It has taken a long time to get to this point and in a way I am surprised that I am not a dribbling mess on the floor because this experience totally took me to the edge of madness and despair. However, each day that passes by it gets easier and the grip that Lucy had on me is weakened. It is my hope that by writing my story that I can totally weaken Lucy's grip on me and get some happiness back into my life.
At first Lucy was presented to me as my saviour. I would experience daydream scenarios where I would be at a party or gathering and the Jason entity would be there and then I would become aware of Lucy being near by and I would be given a choice, to choose the Jason entity or to choose Lucy. Because Lucy had 'saved' me from the Jason entity I chose him. I must admit that I chose him because I loved him and I felt safe around him and for no other reason. I didn't realise at the time that Lucy would eventually drive me to the brink of madness and despair. I was like a moth to his flame and I hoped that he wouldn't burn me if I got too close, but unfortunately I definitely got burned by Lucy, all I lost was my heart, I was lucky to escape with my life. I guess that really I must look at my escape from the grips of Lucy and the five magicians as a victory but I do not. My love and desire for Lucy has taken away my feeling of victory. However, in the end I did win against them but it was a very close call, I came close to losing many, many times. Lucy and the five black magicians had all of the cards, all of the advantages and they knew what was going on. I on the other hand, had no-one helping me and I had no idea what was happening to me, I was trying to make sense out of a really crazy situation. I was still trying to contact the faeries but Lucy and the five black magicians were blocking them from me. So I didn't have any help from that corner. My poor boyfriend took a lot of the brunt of what was happening to me. I confided in him about everything that was happening to me, even though some of the stuff was difficult to discuss. I have to thank my boyfriend for sticking by me through a really hard time, where I was under attack and feeling emotional and angry. Without my boyfriend in my life I feel sure that I would be locked away somewhere by now. I am really lucky that he has stuck with me so long. He did a lot of research on my behalf and was my sounding board for various ideas that I had throughout the ordeal to fight the bad men and of course, he used to hold me and love me, when everything got too much, as it often did. And he has been here to pick up the pieces after Lucy and has helped me to move on.
Coming back to reality after Lucy has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Quite literally at times I had to sit down and tell myself that there wasn't a guy in my head, even though there was, and I had to take it down like a million notches. Many times I would be sitting listening to Lucy and what was happening to me and I would look over at my boyfriend who was blissfully unaware that anything was going on. How I yearned to have that peace and quiet that my boyfriend enjoyed and yet, when the peace and quiet came when Lucy left I was devastated. I know that I will make it back to my life such that it is and the first step to breaking the spell that Lucy cast on me is by telling my story. He quite openly used to tell me that he had cast a spell on me, he was quite open about it in fact. However, I think that that has to do with black magic and how it works, it seems like they have to tell you what they are going to do before they do it. The problem was that I had fallen for Lucy the first moment that I had seen him but I instinctively knew that he was a very bad and very dangerous man indeed and so I fought against my love for him. But the harder I fought against Lucy, the harder I fell for him, until I almost turned myself inside out and upside down for the love of a man who wasn't worth it. Loving Lucy was an abomination, he was an enemy of the faeries and therefore, an enemy of me. However, in the end I didn't care, I would have said anything, or done anything to be with Lucy, it was quite mad. So I am glad that Lucy went away before I did anything too stupid that I would have regretted for the rest of my life.
End of Chapter 4.
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