My second comment to you in one sitting, but it's worth it. My mom passed away when I was 21 too. I don't know of anyone else this age when they lost a parent. It's a very vulnerable time when you are transitioning from a teen to young adult. I'm in the same boat as you that I can remember the moments, nearly all of them, leading up to her passing, but very little immediately after. Thank you for telling your story of grief. We all handle it very differently. Do you have an outlet? There are kids and adults out there that could use your insight. Be well. Grieve with love and strength. Grief can be beautiful -- those who have experienced the loss of a close loved one know what that means.