When I was diagnosed with PTSD
I felt the carpet being pulled from under my feet. I had no idea what I'm dealing with, where I was headed or what the hell I'm supposed to do with this, now that I know. Being the obsessive control freak that I am, I intensively researched this and after a year and a half of personal growth, I'm slowly getting better. Life seems to shine again. I want to share the valuable information I picked up along the way, in the hope it will help others the same as it did to me. If you recognize yourself or someone you love in this, please read or share with them. No one needs to be alone in this.
Depression & Anxiety
These are the most common symptoms of PTSD (a part of many) so that is why I will start by covering them first. Though they appear when you have PTSD, they are not unique for it. Meaning, you can have BPD or "just" ADHD or nothing at all - and still suffer from anxiety/depression. These two symptoms usually go together, sneaky pair, one fuels the other to an infinite loop. To break the loop, we must learn how it works inside of us, explore our personal powerkit and change our thought patterns. I will cover depression on this post and anxiety on the next.
Depression
Who is at risk of having depression?
Anyone and everyone. All ages, genders and working classes. For some, it may happen once in their lifetime and will be over in a month, 6 months or more. Others may experience it every once in a while. You may be depressed from losing love, a job, a friend, a family member and so on. You may suffer from chronic depression. It all feels the same. All feelings are valid and others suffering more doesn't mean you are not allowed to hurt.
How does it feel?
I thought depression means being sad. It's not. It's the opposite of vitality. You lose life. You might have high functioning depression but still go to work and do your chores. You may still laugh at things (cynically) but you lose interest in everything you used to love; family hobbies, friends, goals.. Even food doesn't taste that good anymore. It seems like everything is pointless, why bother. You slowly lose hope anything will change. If you feel like this for more than a week, you may suffer from depression.
Do you think you have it?
Check yourself with an online test and if it raises suspicion- get it officially diagnosed.
http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=1308
How do you think with depression?
Depression tells your mind that you are no good because you never were. It brings back all your past mistakes to haunt you. Torture yourself at every detail of how it went wrong and it was your fault. It's addictive. When you start to bash yourself on one thing, another will be sure to follow.
How do you heal?
Slowly. It takes time. There is no quick fix that makes everything go away immediately. Let it flow and help it get out of your system. Find what works for you by trial and error, it can be one or a combination of things. Keep trying, it will get better, this feeling will be over at some point and life will seem worth living again. What worked for me best was a combination of weed, emotional work
Forgivness
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes. No one is perfect. No one can go through life being perfect 100% of the time. Living is continuously learning from your mistakes. Learn from them, don't dwell on them.
- Forgive yourself for having a hard time to function when you have depression. To be mad at yourself for not functioning on depression is similar to being mad at yourself for not running with a broken leg.
Processing Feelings
- See a psychologist or try group therapy. Ask for recommendations and qualifications first. Then check if can make a good connection with him/her. If there is no chemistry or if you feel that this doesn't benefit you- switch.
- Talk to your friends. They will remind you that you are loved and appreciated. They can listen too. Getting it out of your system is far better than keeping it in. Believe me, I tried, so hard!
- Express yourself artistically. Draw, write or play an instrument to get these feeling processed. Adult coloring books work for me!
Medication, drug abuse and addictions
- Set up a meeting with a psychiatrist, there is no shame in that. Anti-depressants sell more than headache pills. They may have side-affects, the may be addictive (check online first!).
- Weed can help but can also increase these feelings. Listen to yourself and check what does best for you if you choose to use it.
- Check in. Many develop an addiction to escape reality. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, foo, etc, make sure that it doesn't hurt you more than it does good.
Activities
As I mentioned before, depression is losing your vitality. It's harder to do every day things, going outside and so on (it's not fun anymore!). Try to do something, anything. Sometimes it will be easier to go to the next task and sometimes it will take all your power. Manage your powerbar. I listed a few suggestions below:
- Sport. Any kind of physical activity to get the endorphins goin'! Dancing, walking, running, dog walking- just get the body moving and it's a bonus if you manage to go outside.
- Social activities. Whether it be friends, clubs, book clubs and so on.
- Yoga. Learning how to breathe properly will help balancing anxiety as well.
- Go outside. To nature. Yes, this place outside your computer.
- Music. Listen, dance, feel. Use music to let yourself feel or to pick yourself up.
- Hobbies. I got excited over Rainbowdash from MLP when I was going through my latest depression after watching this video: