Stop Harassing Me To Get Married Old People!

I really hate it when people ask me when I'm going to get married. It never fails...I go to a family dinner and all the old folks harass me about getting older. They tell me I need to settle down and find me a woman.

All I can think is "shut the hell up and let me eat my burger."

I like roaming free. I don't want to be tied down to a woman. I want to sow my wild llama oats and play the field. I'm still young at the age of 30. I got plenty of time to find a female and start popping out little llamas.

It's not like aunt Irene's 6 marriages went all that great. I mean after 5 divorces you'd think she'd be against marriage. But noooo!!! Harass, harass, harass....

And Uncle Bud has cheated on his wife repeatedly for 20 years. He thinks he's good at keeping the secret but we all know about his "friend" Susie the checkout girl at the Piggly Wiggly. What gives a douchebag like him authority to tell me I should get married?

People should just leave a llama alone and keep their life suggestions to themselves. I'm happy being a single guy. Next time someone harasses me to get married I'm going to go postal on their ass.

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