Looking in your own life with a clear eye is really difficult. I am constantly navigating conflicting narratives about my own life. How I see it, how others, what is true and what is not.
Because the thing is that we don't remember our lives as much as we re-invent it by negotiation the vague facts that can not be denied. But everything else is fair game. One thing can mean something today and something else tomorrow. With enough determination it can mean anything at all.
That's why some people see their lives as failures while others can make an amazing case for anything that resemblance success for others. It;s the power of your own mind and it is transformative. The weak can perish even when the world tries to tell them that things are OK.
I am one that struggles with acceptance of any kind of success and I often say that my life is a leaf in the wind and just becaue the leaf flies high...well what does that have to do with me?
If it's low, then this seems warranted and fair.
But me, who I really am and what I "deserve" and the rest, is all for grabs by the story. And the story is not so easy to control when it's being sidetracked by negative association, past connection and current feedback.
I'm all for being honest and sticking close to the reality but I'm also a big fan of bullshiting yourself a bit. You must or you will perish in a world that feeds as extreme examples and a constant reel of people's best moments. By compassion your life is dull unless you fight back with your own story and realizations.
When the sky is the color of incertitude and the wind blows a warning whisper, the story shakes and crumbles. Ironically, is the moment it should work the hardest to endure. The rest of the days are easy.