It's weird when you can't do something you want...although nothing actually stops you! It's a very unpleasant feeling because you can't really blame anyone else but yourself. Case in poin: Today.
Here I was minding my own business, going to grab a nice Pho. You know I love Ramen and Pho and felt that a good Pho in the morning could make everything better. In front of this pho-place there was this old lady. She did not seem all there as sometimes people living on the streets seem to be. Or maybe she was cold.
I dunno, I just thought, this old lady needs a hot pho! But then..how to make it happen. I could have given her some money thought is not what I generally like to do bt that would imply talking with her and I felt weird about it. What can I talk with her. I know there are only 2 steps but...
So Of course, I did nothing!
As Louie once said even the thing that I THOUGHT about it made me feel pretty good about myself. I kid :)
The reality is that I felt kind of shitty and eating my delicious soup was not as satisfying as it could be as this lady was right outside. Why do I deserve the soup?
I hate to imagine and even more to feel that feeling of looking from the window at something and knowing you can not afford it. It breaks my heart.
But I kept eating as people do.
Now here comes the interesting part. Another lady just walked in and brought the old lady with her. She talked with the cashier and seemed to ask what she wanted. It looked like she was ordering something. I was thrilled! Someone doing exactly what I was too much of a shitty person to do. There is still good in this world! Hey, let me go and pay half of that to this second lady that seemed like a normal educated person so I could exchange a few words with her, right?
RIGHT?!
right...
So I get up with some money and walk up there to like give them. Now I was standing awakrdly behind them and was kind of trying to signal that hey, can I give you some money.
But then it hit me: maybe I was totally misreading the situation. Maybe they were related, and like this old lady was waiting for this other person to eat. I mean, it seems unlikely but also...who am I to tell from a glance?!
I couldn't face the awkwardness of saying "Here's some money!" and be stared at like a moron. So I turned around, money in hand and walked bath to my soup. Now cold and uninviting.
Totally ruined my mood. The ladies walked out immediately and that was that.
I walked out myself a little later and left a nice tip. It's easy to leave tips, cause you don't have to make eye contact or anything. I usually feel awkward shoving it into the tip bin. I hate when people say "thank you". Why am I to bestow upon you some extra money like come on. We're all people.
I guess I'll try again tomorrow but it's really such a hard thing to do for me that I am not sure I can get over it. Still, the more you do the easier it gets so that's that.
Could have made a nice Saturday for someone, was too shy to do it, ruined a part of my Saturday.
Let's end on a high note: SBD is going up!
:)