My day started by being called out on the quality of my posts. The value of my ideas. A fraud.
The thing is, I do believe in the quality of my posts but I also have doubts. Are they really good enough?
Now all this snowballed into more and more self-questions. Let me ask you this:
Do you feel like a fraud?
Do you feel like you don't deserve what you got?
Does it gets to you and undermines your confidence?
Because, it seems, I DO!.
Hear me out. I dreamed of having a trending post since I joined Steemit almost a year ago.
I've imagined it's a confirmation of my value for Steemit and my writing skill. Making trending could be my "Oscar" on Steemit.
I did come close with a few posts but never quite there.
Then, a couple of days, it happened! My post about the EOS ico was #2 and people seemed to really like it and got a lot out of it. This was reward in itself [ but thanks for the upvotes!!]. I received congratulation messages from a few friends. They liked it too!
But upon further introspection, I realized I was not as happy as I thought I'll be!. In fact,I was anxious. I was awaiting that comment:
"THIS SUCKS! WHO UPVOTES THIS SHIT?!"
I was waiting for people to expose me for my amateurism and to be called out on...what, exactly?
This got me thinking. I started to ask around and talk to people about it and I made two very important discoveries:
It's a very common felling.
A lot of my successful friends said they feel a lot like they don't deserve their positions, money, recognition from peers.
I have this friend who's gonna be featured in a list of most accomplished writers under 40 in my country and yet, he looks at the list and wonders: WHY am I there?!
I tell him he's crazy and he admits but he can't just shake the feeling...It has a name!
Yeap, because it is really that common that it has its own name: The Impostor Syndrome
There are many definitions and ways to explain this insidious feeling. I say insidious because it's very hard to beat and almost impossible to organically kill. It's not like...someone will tell me that my posts are great and I will be like: Ok, cool, I'm cured now!!
So anyway back to the definition:
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
Damn, this definition hits home :)
Everyone might have some experience with this unless you have some ungodly confidence or you are a psychopath or maybe you worked really really really hard to get where you are. I am not sure which one would help the most. The thing is, it's usually more prevalent in people who you'd least expect it ( also more women than men experience it, go figure!).
There's even a [quiz] you can take in order to see how affected you are by this. I encourage you to spend 5 minutes and see what you get.
Constantly. Every day. Every post.
Steemit. Poker. Writing.....
Are you sure you wanted toupvote this?!
I mean it's easy to fall in the doubt-trap. It's very hard to get out of though. My results were a very expected:
---> Share your result in the comments! Tell me if you think it's accurate and how do you fight this?! <----
So what's the CURE?
For me, it's clear that once again, that I need to find it within myself. Still, I have to admit, that external praise helps as well. It help to have someone to encourage you but if you can't believe them, then it's useless, right?
I try to remember that I'm always trying one thing: Do my best, write the best posts I can right now!
I might look back in 2 3 years on this and -hopefully - realize I could have written a better post given all my experiences and skill. Who knows? Will that diminish my effort now, today?
I think not.
Also I want to try and be kind to myself. Be kind to effort. Remind myself that I do not suck - maybe as bad as I think I do. In a word: Be kind. [ ok, that's two! ].
I can never please everyone.
I can never be as good as I want to be.
But I can respect the process, always strive to deliver and look for way to be better.
That should be enough. And if sometimes I'll feel like an Impostor...then that's the price :)
Till next time,
r