Lately I find myself asking a thousands questions and wondering how life could be if I had just done things differently. What if I gave up now before investing anymore time? Would my kids be happier if I go now or would we just reverse rolls and they be miserable because I made myself happy? Would I ever love again or just live life alone? My kids deserve a family though. Leaving behind everything wouldnt be easy but I would be around those that show they love me. I try to wonder how things will be if we could learn to love one another, will life ever be better or will it stay with the rhythm of one good day, two bad, three good, five sad? So much to think about and such hard decisions. I wonder how life would be if I just disappear. Too much pain and feeling like I am not were I should be but so much pain if I just throw it down the drain. I have changed and am not the person I used to be so I wonder if I am strong enough to do it on my own with not just one kid this time but three. I wonder if I should just forget happy endings, I am foolish right? Foolish to think that it would ever happen for me. Foolish to believe in such a thing. I wonder if anyone out there really finds a happily ever after or if its just fake like the one I try to convince of myself will eventually happen. Do you ever wonder if you are who you should be or if your meant to be more? I wonder all the time if I took a massive wrong turn. I wonder if life will ever have me feeling complete or should I just claim defeat.