"It is better to end something and start another than imprison yourself and hope for the impossible."
It's the end of summer. School is about to start for many, if it hasn't already for others. As I prepare to enter my second year of university, I was categorizing my priorities. I slowly began to realize that being in a full-time relationship just didn't fit in with a schedule crammed full of academics, gym time, and procrastination.
I was in a relationship during my freshman year of college, and she was best friend. We spent every waking hour (and sleeping hour) together and I thought the euphoria would never end. But then it hit me: we were slowly losing our identity as best friends. We were a couple going through the motions, and it was making us miserable. Finally, she asked if we could talk and I knew immediately what it was about.
It sounds terrible out of context, but I'm so glad we broke up that day. She and I have never been closer since, and we are both far happier for it. It's not to say that being in a relationship didn't come with it's benefits or happy moments, because there was an abundance of those; the issue was that there was an equal or greater number of unhappy moments that we had both kept to ourselves.
My friend, Samm, was a writer for the college online newsletter The Odyssey. She wrote a piece about the painful breakup she had with her ex-boyfriend, and she has given me permission to share the story here.
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All Good Things Must Come to an End
By Samm S.
So, you met somebody. And things are going great for a while: your friends all love him, your family loves him, and his friends and family adore you too. You do everything together, from taking naps between classes to fancy date nights at up and coming restaurants.
Suddenly, things start to become more serious. The two of you are taking trips and vacations together, and you start to discuss the future and what it may hold one day. You maybe start to realize the differences in your goals and your futures and you aren’t sure how you feel about things.
Slowly but surely, you realize the person you had been falling in love with for the past few months isn’t who you need them to be. You start seeking out happiness in places you know you shouldn’t and you find yourself analyzing every moment you spend with them wondering, “Is this really what I need?”
You start making pro and con lists, reading online articles about relationships, and talking to your friends, desperately looking for advice and hoping this is just a bad feeling that will pass.
You sadly come to the realization that you simply just…aren’t happy anymore. It’s nobody’s fault, nobody did anything wrong, the two of you just have different aspirations and life plans that just don’t match anymore.
It's okay to end it. Really, it is. You may be having doubts now, which is perfectly normal, but just remember that you're allowed to be selfish sometimes when it comes to your own happiness. Your real friends will stay by your side and support you and your choices.
Take a few days and allow yourself to be sad. Even if you're the one ending things, breakups are still sad and once again, it's totally normal to feel down about what happened.
It takes a while, but you start to move on. You start doing things more independently, you get lunch with friends you haven't seen in a while, maybe you even take up a kickboxing class or two with some friends. You recognize that you can be whole without another half, and although it seems difficult at first, you start to regain your sense of identity and enjoy life more. Remember, not everything lost is a loss.
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Original post (Originally entitled If You're Not Happy, Leave): The Odyssey Online