At one point in our life, we all have the reflex to bring ourselves down for no good reason.
What makes our successes is when we believe in our capacity of overcoming anything that comes in our way...so why are we doubting ourselves whenever something happens?
This is something I've asked myself for many years. Back in my younger days I felt like I could do everything I wanted if I decided to put a little effort into it. As time goes on, I "learned" how to doubt myself... Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong in taking a step back and wonder if what you're doing is the right thing, that's actually a good thing since you put thought into your decisions. What i'm talking about is doubting to a point that you think you end up turning your back on issue/challenge that you should be able to overcome.
So why do we start to doubt ourselves?
I wanted to share a little about my story and hopefully inspire you guys that even though some events can seems hard to overcome, you just need to stay positive.
I don't have any issue talking about emotions with other people but I do have to admit that I don't like to "bother" people with my issues (Even feels weird to write this on here even though it's anonymous!)
A couple year ago, I decided that I wanted to work in the movie industry, I was always fascinated by them and I felt like it was a great opportunity to be able to travel to different countries while working on different movie sets. I knew that it wasn't an easy feat but as I said earlier, I was fearless at the time so I knew I could do anything! I always dreamed to be a director or director of photography! I never made it though, I stopped believing in myself and started to bring myself down every time I could. What happened?
It was 1 decision, that I'm still not proud of, that made me doubt myself for many years after. After a night of partying I decided to drive my car even though I wasn't sober... There was no accident (thank god) but it doesn't change the fact that I was disgusted by my action. I could've killed my friend that was with me or just another stranger. I've got caught by the police and I got what I deserve and I will never say otherwise.
Up to that point, I never thought I could do stupid decisions like that, I always thought that I was smart enough to not act like this. This is when I started to doubt myself...It was something I battled for many years without even realizing that I was always bringing myself down as soon as I could. Depression started to took over, nothing big but it was still there looming. I knew something was different about how I felt, about how I was thinking but this was something I never experienced so I was in the dark.
Years went on like this, I started to realize what was happening to me as I talked with people I knew they'd understand me. I can tell you that it's pretty frightening trying to push yourself through situation that you know you'll feel uncomfortable but I thought I needed to do it so I can overcome those fear. I wanted to feel "unstoppable" like when I was younger.
It all started when I took responsibility about what happened, sure i'm not proud about what I've done, but it was a poor judgement call and I decided that instead of lingering over it I should learn from it.
I went back to school, got myself a degree in network security (always loved that field but never thought I liked working as a nerd haha :P) and I slowly realized that deep down I never changed. School was easy! I was surprised even though I knew that I should not. I landed a decent job right after school too. My colleague know my story, I told them right off the bat as I embrace my mistake now and they never looked at me differently...I've learn that people don't care about what you did wrong in the past (unless you're a celebrity haha). I'm now part of something and instead of bringing myself down, i'm now focusing on how can I be better!
You guys have to stop bringing yourself down! My story can be different but I know a lot of people that does what I did for several year. Don't be afraid to believe in you! Make mistake and learn from them. No one is perfect so stop worrying about this.
Not sure if my story will help anyone or if anyone will even read this but if this reach out to 1 person and help them, i'll be happy. Otherwise I'm still ok, writing about this made me realize how far I've come too!
don't be shy to start a discussion about this, i'm not the best writer so if you have any questions or like more information ask away, i'd love to answer! :)
PS: don't drink and drive...it's stupid!
Keep on Steemin friends!