Preface
Last month, the plan was so clear. We were working on a trailer, the house we had been renting was selling and we knew we needed out. If we got out in time, we would get 1000 which was going to go towards making our trailer even nicer and we had a plan to start to get on the road soon. We have been wanting to do a travel blog and get travel in over the summer. We had been planning for months, tucked away a bit of funds and things looked good. Until suddently they didn't.
Last month, I was writing a post about DIY and going to finish it after doing some errands. Some of those errands were stopping by to get the information for water and other utility connection for the trailer that we were moving into. When we stopped in, we found out that they had retracted our approval and had ultimately denied the requet to purchase the trailer from our friend. Technically, they can't say that we can't buy it. They could tell us that we couldn't move on the property because the lot wouldn't allow it. We hadn't even thought that a possibility, with neither of us being felons nor any real prior credit issues... at least not recently. Brian has no credit really and I had some leftover stuff from my divorce, but we had disclosed tht and the lot persons said that it should be fine. We expected no problems. We had 3, almost 4 days left before we had to be out of our house that we had been renting and we had already begun the cleaning process and removing everything so that we could get the money they offered if we were out on time.
how can things change so suddenly?
The rest of this has been written pretty much in the moment. As weeks went by, I didn't know how to update when there wasn't any real plan of action in place. Things just seemed to keep going worse with plan after plan disintergrating before our eyes.
Week 1
(But I will get one, I am sure!)
This week keeps on going and it has been a doozy. We went from moving stress of a normal variety to a much darker place. At the last minute, we had a denial for the place we were moving and then alas, we had nowhere to go. Add on top of that this week has had it's own set of challenges.
I don't even know where to start
So, how about I post this first and then regroup? The fact of it is,
The Thoughts of Last Week:
In Less Than 12 Hours, We Have to Move... But Where?
I wrote this last week while in the middle of it. The week is calming slowly, but there are other factors to contend with in the mean time... so I wanted to give an update.
So fellow Steemians, here we are. Down to the wire and with so little answers. You would think, after a day to reshuffle the plan, I would be further along. I should have an idea. Alas, I don't. For those that aren't sure what I am talking about, I am talking about this
We Keep Trying
So, as some of you know, we have been working on a home of our own... well, a trailer. We had it set and golden to purchase and we have been working on it for the past month to make it move in ready by tomorrow. We are basically there. The roof has been taken out and the more minor of details have been set and laid out as well. I had a plan to be able to move and now I don't, because the rental property that the trailer is on, they didn't approve us. We will get a letter but it sounds like some things from my divorce are still lingering, haunting. As though my previous life won't let me move on without more death and dismay. I won't lie, I am feeling dejected. I have 2 days to move, I have 2 days to sort my life out. I need to stay smiling so that I don't bring anyone else down and so that others can stay motivated. I am running out of options and while I get that we shouldn't post our dirty laundry or air drama, but I won't lie... I am running out of ideas fast.
This Life Man... This Life
Part of what I have tried to do is to apply transparency, at least to my life. This allows for me (or whomever) to look back and see the progress that I make in my magick. More than anything, this whole account has equated to a transparent experiement documentation of my life - for better or for worse.
Onward and upward as they always say!
There isn't much that we could do. We had to move and ultimately, the hassle of it all was crazy. Nearly a yard of trash came out of the house and the list of those who helped (and those that simply did nothing, leaving others with the work) was shocking and a little bit absurd. (More drama, but the kind no one needs to hear about!)
For now, we are in limbo. We did end up getting a new car, of sorts. The new vehicle is a "new-to-us" and just yesterday it kinds of died a little bit. It was quite an adventure. To be honest, I don't know where we are even going next. There is a lot going on over here as we decide on a new direction and a new plan.
Portland?
I think that the kids would like it there and maybe it is time to start fresh? Maybe it is time to try something new? I think that ultimately the wind will blow that way.
In the end, we will be okay wherever we are. I am sure of that.
Week 2 and 3
Here in a car, we live in the car...
I think I am in denial.
I keep singing this song on repeat with different dark words inserted into the song. Fuck the real lyrics man. I am losing my mind.
I can only go up from here. It can only go up from here...
Since we are bouncing around, we have been kind of MIA. I tell myself that just because life is crazy and things aren't going as planned, responsibility is responsibility. Maybe I take my vows too seriously, but I have been working on a few lessons, doing acknowledgements and respects, along with rituals daily. Well, in the sake of transparency, mostly, every day.
I will say that I have noticed that my mood is more stable. I have been handling things, in my opinion, better than I normally would.
We are currently living with a friend, the one that was going to sell us the trailer. Well, technically, we are living in her girlfriend's garage. Oh how far we have fallen and it keeps going down. The good news is that we are purchasing a Blazer from her. It is pretty sweet and that in itself is good news. I ahve wanted to go o the road for a while. I don't know how this is going to work but it looks like it is going to be in a 74 Blazer. We have named her Clementine. She needs some work for sure. But we don't mind. I bought it as is and am waiting to find out exactly what that means. As it turns out, it is probably good that I am goig to be having something to work on in any case...
Scratch That
The U Joint on Clementine came apart today. That was unexpected. She can't drive at all and the drive shaft is stuck. We managed to get her to Brian's mom's house to work on. She is going to be more of a project than expected. Kina (the owner of the house) said we can stay in the garage as she is going to need help with this place anyway. At least we have a place to stay. That is cool. We told her that we would ind another place, because we aren't wanting to squat and it isn't her fault that the Blazer broke down. She didn't know, we are sure of it.
She has been super nice though and open. She is nice to talk to. But strange, but in the good kind of way. The kind that shows wisdom behind her words. She is a nice girl in a tough place with everything going on. Our friend is back in the hospital again. Did I mention she was before? Ah, the days are blending together. We expect recovery but she needs help, they both do. I think w can help. We have been where they are and it is nice to see people helping out, almost like we have built a community here or something. Weird. I am used to seeing people just ditch you when you're down. Maybe times are changing? That alone gives me hope.
Week 3
Kina has some weird guy hanging out a lot. Tonight they came into the garage when Brian wasn't here and it made me super uncomfortable. The guy wouldn't let Kina talk to me at all. He is bossy and controlling. I asked that she please let me know before she has weird people come into my space. I felt like that was wrong, because ultimately it is her space. Maybe I am not too good at this communial living thing?
Get an Apartment?
As we have been toying with the idea of what to do next, we are considering Portland. the onle thing that holds me back is thinking of the kids having to move again. It was one thing to o all of the moving in my 20s but right now it is more difficult. Plus, when we used to move around a lot before, there was one kiddo in the picture. So, we are also thinking maybe stay local for a little while longer?
The possibilities feel endless, but really they are not. At the end of the day, I am sure a lot of what is going to happen is going to depend on what happens next, where we land, where money comes from and the like. We have poured our money into opportunities that haven't panned out that weren't really risky ventures and now we are kind of screwed. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason though and so, from here there is a plan... even if we don't know what it is yet!
I am trying to stay positive and I have missed my block chain people. When this fiasco is over, I will post this and then be back in action, I hope!
More Shit Hitting the Fan
So, after asking Kina not to have weird dude in the garage without warning, today she basically told me that we needed to be out, without any warning. They were transferring our friend in the hospital and she said she was going to go and visit her before. She didn't.
She went swimming at the YMCA with the new guy? She is demanding we move our things and said that she wants nothign else to do with toxic relationships. Wow. I don't even have it in me to fight for a place I don't want to be, neither does brian. I packed up stuff while he was at work and we are now homeless. Officially. I have no idea what to do next or where to go. I am overwhelmed and sad. I am at a loss.
Friends said that we can stay with them, but I know that won't last. I don't want to invade other people's spaces. I just want a small corner of the world that is my own. We have spent our money on the trailer, on the Blazer (which she says she will give us our money back, but we will see) and helping others. This is no good. We are screwed. I guess this is adventure?
One week of living in a car...
We have been in a car for the week. We have stayed at friends places mostly at night. Brian works a pretty body demanding job and needs sleep. I have the flu and I am super sick. We have been staying with my ex husband in my old apartment for the evening, which chaps my hyde. I know this will work out. It has to, but I feel like every decision I make it wrong. We don't need a hand out, just a hand up and I don't even know where to go to find that. I plan on just living through it, gettingback to work and makingmoney. But what to do with it whe we get it? I have no idea. None.
We will keep you posted on the future of our adventure and what we make of it... but for now... I guess it is a lesson in humility? We shall see!
Thank you for reading!