My dad and I are not the closest and I rarely visit him. I'm even surprised that I followed through and visited him yesterday. I only decided to visit him after I had read a couple post from steemit users who I follow. 
I hadn't seen my dad in 9 months. I can remember when I saw him last, because I wasn't expecting him to show up at my oldest son's one year birthday party. I was shocked to see him and equally shocked at his appearance. It looked like 20 years of aging had been added on top of his seventy-one year old body.
I never hated my dad, I just didn't think he cared for me much. He never abused me physically, nor was he verbally abusive. I always felt like a complete failure around him. The way he looked at me, made me feel like he was so disappointed in me.
A few years back, I visited him my usual once a year visit, and he told me that he had been depressed for so many years. This whole time that he knew of my depression as a child, he never was able to talk to me. I could of used some heart to heart talks. Instead, I suffered many years of extreme depression. I was so mad at him when he told me of his depression. I actually started crying when he told me of his depression. Not once, did he ever try to help me through my darkest days.
Regardless of my demons, I will do whatever I can do, to support my boys with any of thier struggles. I've been through some tough days in my life and I would like to think that those experiences will help me in raising my boys.
So back to the visit with my dad yesterday. I remembered that my dad had a hard time walking so I called him a mile from arriving at his house so he could have the gate unlocked. To my surprise he wasn't half way to the gate and it looked like he didn't have enough steps in him to make it to the gate. My heart dropped. This man at one time, had amazing endurance and strength. For years I thought he would never get sick.
So I give him a hug and introduce him to his youngest grandson, Harvey Landon. We make it back to his house and when he sits down, I immediately put Harvey into his arms, just because I believe in the power of a beautiful baby. I wanted my son to mend any hurt in my dad. As I expected, my dads facial expression soon changed from emptiness to joy. A temporary fix for years of personal suffering.
.Within a few minutes of talking, I have the courage to ask him about his health. I guess I'm affraid to hear the truth. He is a stranger to me, but he is my dad. With his rough old voice he tells me he has Parkinson Disease. I know Michael J. Fox has Parkinson Disease and I know nothing more then it causes the body to shake. My dad's arms are noticeably shaking.
I still haven't read anything on Parkinson disease, but I will after i post this story. I hate to see my dad suffer more than what he has.
So he loves Harvey and Harvey loves him. Harvey was smiling at my dad and pulling on his wiskers. Whenever my dad would talk to him, he woukd begin to laugh. It's funny, but my mom can't hold Harvey but for a minute before he starts crying. My mom witnessed the birth of Harvey and has held him many times. My mom would give her last penny to help support my children and my dad would ask me if he could borrow money.
With all that I've held against my dad in the past, its not worth burdening my thoughts anymore. In recent years I was satisfied with seeing him for the sake of others, like introducing him to the mother of my baby boys and my boys, Daniel Everett and Harvey Landon.
I pray for dad and I wish him the best in his declining health, and I will try to visit him at least once a week until that final day when he breathes no more.
I know I'm not a writer, but I appreciate your time. please leave a comment, because I love comments.