Hi everyone,
I decided that I should probably update you all on what has been happening in my life, and why my Dlive streems have been so short lately.
So to some it may be no secret that for the last 4 years my life has been rather rough, and without getting in to any details, I will just give you some bullet points.
4,5 years ago I had what most describe as a "panic attack" - it had no reason other than I believe that the bag of Cannabis I received previously was laced with something shady.
Ever since then, I have been housebound and have developed a Panic Discorder, Axiety and a severe case of Monophobia.
My Monophobia presents itself in the way that I can not be further away from 1 specific person than 20 foot.
This can not be any person I know, it is tied to 1 specific person.
This developed itself almost immediately after the initial "Panic Attack" as I spend the next 5 weeks in bed.
I have gained an immense amount of weight in about 6 months after that, I went from 75KG up to 125+ KG.
My overall fitness is down to 0 , and any change in breathing or heart rate results in the fear of a panic attack, which in turn does not allow me to exercise to lose weight or get my fitness up.
I have resorted to diets in all ways and forms to lose weight, but none have helped so far, most likely due to my 99.99% sedentary lifestyle.
Streaming has been my way of communication and interaction with the outside world ever since, I have no "IRL" friendships as I live abroad from my family and home country, and have not managed to tried to make any friends here, which at this point seems impossible due to my mental and now physical disabilities.
During the last 4 years we have also been dealing with neighbours that for one reason or another do not like us and appear to want to get us evicted.
We live in a semi detached house and my office is on the outside wall to minimize and disturbance any neighbours might get from my gaming / streaming sessions.
Despite that, we have been reported multiple times for various reasons...
- Reported for noise of me (Most likely legitimate, but I do whatever I can to not be loud, even soundproofing my room and no longer be "hyped / excited" on stream.
- Reported for non stop swearing ( Despite what many believe, I don't actually swear badly that much, and definitely not loud enough for them to hear nor non stop)
- We never let our dogs out (Partly true, this is due to 1, our mental and physical health, but more so due to the neighbours not maintaining their fencing - which according to the council and housing association is their responsibility, we are not even allowed to touch it - and therefore we have to let the dog out on a lead in our back garden as we dont want them to jump the fence)
- Our dogs have escaped and bitten / attacked people ( Straight up not true, this is a misfiled report that landed on our address by mistake of the housing association , it was actually next doors dog.
- Leafs of our tree falling on next doors garden (very true, but petty to reports us for, rather than knock on the door to see what can be done about it)
Overall, over the past 4 years we have had about a dozen inspections of the property and ourselves from the local housing authority and council, we have had the RSPCA (Animal Welfare) come check on us because they were told we do not take care of our dogs and apparently have a puppy farm (Which RSPCA confirmed is not the case and the dogs ar fine) and last but not least we had the Anti Social department of the Housing visit us telling us that due to the reports we are not being monitored (not sure how they monitor other than just believe that ever someone tells then, but hey...)
The most recent development would be me losing my Mixer Partnership, for which I will include a youtube link with my explanation.
After a few days of that, I had a mental break down, of which I posted part of it in Discord, with the image below.
Now, I try to live with all the above shit on day to day basis and make the best of things, and the following has helped a lot!
The message I send to my Discord about what happened.
(So far for keeping it short and sweet, eh?)
And that was the best thing to have happen to me, this year :D
Unfortunately, that means that for the next week or 2, I wont be able to stream much as the pups need 24/7 care because mum doesn't seem to realise she needs to push the pups to the center before laying down xD
But, I still want to do my 2 year livestream challenge, which means stream for 2 hours ever single day.
I don't know why I wrote all this out, but I just wanted to get it off my chest, thank you for listening.
Also, here.... have a puppy pic <3
