Why do we fall down. I think in any man or woman's life it is necessary to lose things that are important to you in order to better appreciate what you have, what you don't have and to help to find humility and peace within yourself. I once believed I had it all figured out, I had an amazing job, a bright future, direction, focus and all of what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately, however for many years I dealt with depression, anxiety and a multitude of other things that caused me to overthink and dwell on negativity which led me to spin down a path of self destruction. This inherently caused me to lose myself in my own thoughts and destroyed what I knew to be a good life. I think it was necessary though and I eventually learned a lot about myself in return. While it's upsetting to realize the damage I've caused myself over the past few years with self-medicating on alcohol and sometimes abusing prescription drugs among other things, its opened my eyes to what I don't need in my life in order to feel happy and whole. I used to think I was unstoppable... I was wrong. I needed to fall and fall hard to realize what I truly needed in life. I learned to appreciate others and to love myself more, two things I've struggled with for most of my life. The biggest things that helped me were changing my social circles and getting outdoors to be honest. Working out more and spending time with the "right" people have helped me to change my direction and my thought process. I've struggled in the past all too often with finding solace and comfort in company with the wrong people. Not bad people just not the ones I needed at that point in my life. I was partying way too much, drinking and having fun with people battling their own demons which helped to feed mine. I had lost hope when I had hit rock bottom and could not see a future. I could only see today and dwell on the past. Not healthy for positive growth in the least!
So how did I change things? Focus and positivity are what helped me. I started to think about the direction I was going down as negative instead of fun. I always liked being outdoors but started liking the bars more... I thought that if I wasn't out and about that I might miss something fun or exciting. All I was doing was hurting myself and bringing myself further and further from reality and down the rabbit hole. I began reading again and experiencing the peace and comfort of nature, not a bottle. I would tell people that I was going to go get lost in the woods to try and find myself. They'd laugh and joke about it but it was the honest truth. I don't think I've been this close to inner peace in years. Its exhilarating!! Exercise was my second choice for building back up to becoming a better version of me. I started running and working out often again which helped relieve stress and boost my self confidence again. Being a former US Army Green Beret I was under the impression that I had all the confidence I would ever need. Big fat Nope on that one lol. Confidence in training and combat doesn't always translate directly over to the normality of day to day life away from war. I struggled often and still do at times but I have direction now were as before I was blind to a good future. Am I mad that everything happened the way that it did? Not anymore. It was all part of my learning curve to become the best version of me. I"m still learning about me everyday but now things are easier, less stressful and more positive. Why did I fall down? So I could learn to pick myself back up.
-Jason Nieves
