“How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and, keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.”
Stephen Covey (from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
Do you know what's deeply important to you? Right now, could you pick up a pen and write down your top 3-5 values?
Precious few people can do this. This is not surprising since we (in the West at any rate) live in a culture that tends to de-value this kind of introspection.
Practical-minded people (the majority) often dismiss talk of values as new-age, hippyish self-absorption.
Then there's parents, teachers, politicians, the media, advertising – all with their agendas. We're bombarded daily with messages telling us to be a certain way, to live our lives a certain way.
The last thing in the world many of these vested interests want is happy, self-aware individuals.
Perish the thought!
This is reflected in our so-called education systems: little if any time is devoted to perhaps the most valuable kind of knowledge of all - self knowledge.
This is tragic given how important it is to be clear about your core values. To have this knowledge is to know yourself at the most fundamental level.
Yes, you have your personality, your likes and dislikes, all of your personal quirks. But it's your values that really define who you are.
Thanks to the oft-maligned self-help industry, the importance of discovering your core values is now much more widely appreciated.
And taking the time to discover them is one of the most vital, life-enhancing exercises you can undertake.
Is it quick and easy? Not necessarily. It may take some hard thinking - over a few hours, a few days, a few weeks or even longer.
To get started, try asking yourself these clarifying questions:
*What's most important to me?
*What are my deepest needs and desires?
*What are the things that I would die for?
*What are the non-negotiables in my life?
*What do I have to have in my life?
*What will I absolutely not tolerate in my life?
Here's an important distinction to keep in mind:
There's a difference between things that you value and your values. Values are abstracts – they're concepts like love, truth, honour, justice and loyalty.
On the other hand, things that people commonly cite as values – like family, friends and music – are in fact things that embody certain values.
Try listing the things that you most value, then list the values that those things embody. For example, a most valued thing for me is home. So what values does this embody for me? I would say 3 things:
*Privacy
*Security
*Private property.
Another example is music. Which of my values does music embody? It depends on the music, but something like Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony, for me embodies things like:
*Beauty
*Refinement
*Grace
*Civilisation.
Contrast that with Motorhead's bombastic masterpiece Ace of Spades (yes, I have a pretty eclectic taste in music :)). For me this embodies values such as positive aggression, energy and go-for-it-ness.
I encourage you to spend some time over the coming days and weeks to really think about your values. Use the questions above for clarity. Get to the core of what really matters to you.
Your core values, when you find them, will provide you with guiding principles around which to organise your life. They will also give you a rudder with which to guide your daily actions.
And when you do start living life centred around your core values, guess what?
You'll be one of the select few souls on this planet who are truly happy :)
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Thanks for reading and do share your thoughts in the comments below :)
For a great overview of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People click here.